Friday, August 25, 2006

The One Where My Sister Comes to Visit

Since I still hadn’t killed the mouse, I was worried about my sister visiting. I don’t think she bought the story about the little piles of poison I had the kitchen being blue breadcrumbs from some exotic dish I made. My sister’s a bad cook, but not even she will believe that.

Still, despite my not being able to kill the ninja mouse, (which I have named “Sho Kosugi”) yet, I thought we should make the most of the time she was here. So I decided to show her some sites. We got up reaaaaaallly early and got tickets for the inside of the Washington Monument. We were there ½ hour before the ticket place opened, but still only managed to snag afternoon tix, so a word to the wise: show up early.

I got a couple of extra tix and my friend Paddy McShamrock and his girlfriend met us there. They hadn’t been inside before either. Needless to say, going to a giant phallic symbol with your sister is weird, to say the least, but if you don’t think of the Washington Monument as a 600 foot long penis, the time just flies by. Nonetheless, I am sure that this episode will eventually come up in a therapy session at some point.

Then we went to the SPY Museum, which was totally worth the $15 it costs to get in. Most of the Government run museums in DC are free, but they still can’t get people to go because they suck. This one charges a lot, but there is long line to get in. Free market capitalism wins again! Suck it, socialists!

One thing I thought was really interesting about the Spy Museum was that they had an exhibit on spies throughout history. And what was histories greatest spy? You guessed it:

Is there anything a Ninja can’t do? Mad Skillz!!!

Then we went to the FDR Memorial

I don’t care if you know the DJ, if you ain’t on the VIP list, you’re not getting in!

By the way, despite having 2 kids and never setting foot in a gym my sister has trouble gaining weight. She says she wants to put on 10 lbs “so I don’t look like a crackhead”. This is why my niece is very lucky, she’s inheriting these ninja genetics.

Lincoln Memorial. Lincoln was one of America’s greatest tyrants…after FDR, of course. America’s 3 greatest presidents were Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson and Calvin Coolidge.

If you don't agree with me, that's okay. It probably means your a terrorist, a cannibal or pedophile, but you're entitled to your opinion, Osama.


Law-Rah said...

I love the VIP picture!

HomeImprovementNinja said...

lawrah, Thanks. My sister has the same sense of humor as me...which is really pretty scary if you think about it.

Diet Coke of Evil said...

I love the last paragraph. You would so fit in with the far right!