Tuesday, January 08, 2008

SUV Attacks on Homes Resume.

It's been a while since I mentioned SUV attacks against homes. I previously discussed the topic HERE, HERE, and HERE. Because it's been months since I mention it, you might think that a Kamikaze attack on someone's home was a fad like Disco or the internet, but sadly the lack of recent attacks was just an attempt to lull people into complacency in order to launch further surprise attacks. See the latest article HERE again.

As many of you know, I've been debating whether or not to adopt a dog recently. Although some people (incorrectly) assume small dogs are gay, I am still committed to adopting some kind of small (but still hetero) dog like a combat Beagle, or possibly an attack Dachshund. These kamikaze attacks give me pause, however. I am sure that with the proper training in Northern Eagle Claw Kung Fu, (which I studied for almost an entire year when I was 15 years old) a dog of any size could repell any unarmed invader, and most armed invaders. I could leave for work everyday and the Fortress would be in safe hands...errr, paws. Still, I worry about whether a small unarmed dog, with no opposable thumbs will be able to resist an attack by armoured assault vehicles.

My neighbor drinks quite a bit and he's got a pretty big truck. It's not outfitted with .50 caliber machine guns, like my Ninja Lite-Armoured Assault Vehicle (NLAAV), but it could probably kill an unarmed Combat Beagle if it caught the mutt by surprise (like when the dog is raiding my fridge or licking himself).

Maybe I can teach the dog to drive and he can go all Mad Max on the neighborhood?


Anonymous said...

Only a homoe buys a small dog!

Anonymous said...

Be warned: Beagles have tons of energy and are VERY vocal. If you're away a lot it'll get bored and just hoooooooowl all day long.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

anon: only a moron mis-spells "homo."

anon2: thanks for the tip!

Mandi said...

If you call it an attack wiener it sounds so much cooler...

I have one and he's quite the guard dog. He's even tried to bite ankles.

Anonymous said...

hello hin,

just reading your post now, here is a good tip for a small dog, we have a boston terrier, biff the boston. he's the best. big crazy dog in a small package, plus some kids get scared of him because they think he sorta looks like a tiny pit bull. but he is sweet, crazy about balls (ha!) and adorable.