Friday, June 02, 2006

A Victorian By Any Other Name...

All in all, this has been a pretty crappy week. During a conversation, my Real Estate Broker, Jimmy the Greek, mentioned that my house probably isn't a Victorian. He said it's probably a Federal, whatever that means. A google image search reveals that the ninja fortress does indeed look the untrained eye. In terms unattractiveness, the impenetrable fortress falls somewhere between




It's probably closer to this one, except with two windows, so it's a little narrower. Mine also has a driveway which, in DC, is like having a apartment in NYC with a walkin closet. Or like going to a restaurant where all the food is free, non-fattening, and makes you handsome.

Some of you are thinking "yeah, right...a walkin closet in NYC. Pft!"

Anyway, I don't like the term "Federal". As a libertarian I object to it because the word reminds me of government oppression, high taxation, warrantless searches and tranny hookers (hi Porter Goss!). I also object to it because it sounds less expensive than a Victorian, and might affect my ability to scam future buyers out of the most possible money. Therefore, from now on, the architectural style of the fortress will be known as "Ghetto Victorian". The Victorian part should appeal to the class concious and the Ghetto part should appeal to the hipster gentrifiers that feel white liberal guilt about contributing to wiping out the cultural history, crack dealers and tranny hookers (Hi again Porter Goss!) that were once the fabric of this neighborhood.

In other news, I've been swamped lately, but my stockpicking challenge is still on and when things get less hectic, hopefully next week or two, I'll have my final recommendations (hopefully). One stock that was on my short list (Kinder Morgan) announced this week that it is being taken private and saw a 20% jump in stock price last week. I won't take credit for that because my research wasn't done on it and I didn't invest in it, but hopefully I'll have some good ones soon. I'll also reveal my analysis on Kinder and other stocks so that you can see why I rock and the people on TV suck it bigtime.

Anyway, I gotta run, but I'll discuss the rest of this weeks suckitude next week. I also promise to post Part 3 of the critically acclaimed Florida Trip Chronicles, or the Underpinning post (Part 4 or 5, I lost count, of the Genocide Chronicles). They are both pretty much finished except I need to fix the pics. Man, I need an assistant for this crap, or maybe I should revert to a pure text blog.


John said...

Hmmm. There are a lot of Victorians that are hard to identify. It's particularly difficult since the Victorians were okay with bastardizing anything that caught their fancy. So, you end up with weird shit like an Italianate-NeoGothic-Plantation-Mosque. I personally consider house like the one you pictured (the red one) as transitional Victorian. Basically, they are Victorian but they are starting to blend with other (often newer) styles of homes. However, I definately think Ghetto Victorian rolls off the tongue a lot better, so roll with it.

Stef said...

If you ever find a restaurant where the food is all non-fat and makes patrons better-looking, please share the deets! Good luck on all of your Ghetto Victorian weekend projects, and fight government oppression, even in architectural styles! :-)

The Blonde Menace said...

Oh this entry made me laugh so much. Ghetto Victorian. How fabulous!

I tend to lean towards a libertarian point of view as well.

Sean Hennessey said...

it's federal. you could stretch an edwardian out of it, but not victorian. besides, all three terms are derived from oppressive geovernments

just call it "luxury" when you sell it.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

John, yeah, it's got a certain ring to it.

Stef, thanks. I fight "the man" at every opportunity.

blondie, a libertarian? I like you even better now.

SA, "luxury" sounds good. I was goona go with "pimped out crib", but I think "luxury" is more politically correct.

Twoste said...

If it is a federal, just tell future possible prospective buyers that it's a "Jeffersonian." It has that American quality, but still sounds quintessentially classical -- like neo-French classical.

Anonymous said...

i know exactly what you're going through. i used have a home that i described as craftsman-style only to find out later it was more of an "american four square." it hurt, man.

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