Friday, May 04, 2007

Blog Day of Mourning

Today, Friday May 4th, my ex is getting married. So this will be an official blog day of mourning on my site. Of all my exes, she is probably the one who would've made the best wife.

It's kind of ironic that when we were dating I couldn't remember our anniversary or her birthday, but I remembered the day she is marrying someone else. But life if full of little ironies like that. It's ironic that people tell me I should have more common sense, but common sense is the thing that tells you that the earth is flat. It's ironic that the Jehova's Witnesses tell me that I should find Jesus, but when I found him, he said "'re it!" It's ironic that we have the best university system in the world, but we elect a functional illiterate to lead us.

Today is also the day a friend is making a life-altering decision. I won't say more about it, but I'll discuss it over drinks and dinner tonight with my friend and few others and although I think my friend's mind is made up, at least we can discuss it over a less erudite and more vulgar version of the Algonquin Round Table.


Anonymous said...

I think your friend's mind is made up too...

And I hope that chick doesn't marry him. Want me to drive you to the ceremony and you can ruin it like what's his name in The Graduate?

E :) said...

Best university system in the world? Highly debatable. Definitely one of the most expensive for your average student though... Thank goodness I was on a scholarship.

You should totally show up to the ceremony like that Brian dude.

Anonymous said...

Things you could do to cheer yourself up:

1) Make out with Velvet.
2) Turn your house into an urban meth lab and collect insurance payment when it explodes.
3) Follow Queen Elizabeth II to the Kentucky Derby -- I'll join you if you'll buy me a big hat and lots of mint juleps.
4)Buy a pet Vietnamese potbelly pig.
5)Paint your face like Michael Jackson.
6) Make out with Velvet.

Anonymous said...

Half of all marriages end in divorce. Maybe she'll make a great ex-wife.

Anonymous said...

I'm wearing black, in somber acknowledgement of your day of mourning.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

meze: Well, she's getting married in Barbados, so unless you bought the extra James Bond package at the car dealership, I don't see that happening.

e: you mean Brian Boitano? I know you're a big South Park fan, but I don't think Brian can fix this.

circ: can I combine those? Can I paint my face like Michael Jackson, then go to the Derby with you and a pot-bellied pig, then make out with Velvet in front of the queen while you drink mint juleps and make british jokes?

dorothy: ouch.

zoom: I'm wearing black on the inside.

Anonymous said...

This is off-topic, but do you know the British pop band The Pipettes? The singer with the glasses always reminds me of Judy Greer from her Arrested Development days. Plus the other blond is smoking hot.

Just thought you might like to know.

Lara Ziobro said...

Hang in there - I wonder if the more significant exes getting married ever starts to feel less awkward? One can hope at least.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

paul: thanks. She looks enough like Judy Greer to lift my mood. Everything goes better with Judy Greer.

lj: no it doesn't. Four of my six significant exes are now married/engaged (and another will be engaged soon). Apparently, I am like engagement boot camp.

JoJo said...

Engagement bootcamp - hee! I can totally relate. All my exes went on to marry their very next girlfriends after we broke up. Does that make me a master sergeant?

Anonymous said...

Less erudite and more vulgar sounds... kind of fun. Hope your day is sufficiently busy, in a good way, to keep your thoughts focused elsewhere.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

JoJo: well, I think you earned those stripes.

dagny taggart: well, i'm overly busy lately, but that's not necesessilly a great thing.

SimplEnigma said...

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