Saturday, April 07, 2007

The Ninja Mitzvah: Part 3

Okay, if you're wondering what the hell happened to Part 2, it's still in the works because it's got a lot of pics and me working a computer is like George Bush trying to do calculus. Anyway, so assume I told you about the actual event and reception and I'm on my way home.

The night before, The Bensonhurst Kid and his wife come up to Long Island (pronounced "Lawwhng-EYE-lind") to show me their new baby. It was a really cute poopy factory, let me tell you. The Bensonhurst Kid and I have been friends since we were about 14, so it was good to see him again and especially good to see his new baby. He had been married before and his pregnant wife died in the Twin Towers on 9/11, so it messed him up pretty bad after that. But he's a fighter (I mean that literally, he was a kickboxer) and he doesn't go down no matter how hard you hit him. So it's good to see him back like his old self again. Anyway, I won't post a pic of him out of respect for his privacy.

Monday morning I decided to stay a while in manhattan and catch the last Amtrak back to DC (the train costs more than flying, but it's worth it). I was going to meet my friend Double Down, a blogger who said she had a blog crush on me, and my imaginary girlfriend (who works with the Bensonhurst kid and has a real life non-blog crush on me).

Double Down works at a big investment bank. I have a LOT of good stories about when we were growing up, but I won't mention them on here because they make me look as bad as they do him. But I will say that if I ever have kids, I will make them play little league soccer on the same team that I did. I don't know what it was about that team, but most of the kids who played on it are doing pretty well (except for the one who died). There's a doctor, a lawyer (me), an investment banker, an executive at a drug company and a few others.

Here's a pic of me and Double Down at his desk, where he is a very big deal. His office has many leather-bound books and smells of rich mahogany, if you know what I mean. He showed me his trading desk, which has 4 computer screens going at the same time. Luckily it's at work. At home, I think with four computer screens and a T1 line you could overdose on p0rn, if you're not careful, but whatever.

Anyway, we met at a bar near Double Down's offices. I arranged to meet him, blogger and Imaginary girlfriend all at the same time. This was interesting since none of them knew each other beforehand. It was either gonna’ be lot of fun, or a blurb in the crime section of the NY Post. (“mediocre lawyer and prominent banker beaten to death by irate internet dates”). It was fun though. There were many jokes made, and lots of double entendres were bandied about without any drinks or pepper spray in my face. We met at an Irish bar which refined the art of fried cuisine to some disturbing heights. I didn't know what my imaginary girlfriend looked like, but she was pretty cute. She was a Brazilian girl, who in the US would be considered a light skinned black girl, or a dark skinned latina. I'm only saying that to give you people an idea of what she looked like. Because I'm not prejudiced I don't even notice skin color when I talk to people...only breast size. Hers were nice, after I got her to take her coat off, I started picturing what they would look like in Carnaval. Niiiice. She was pretty impressed with Double Down's ability to speak Portuguese (he lived in Brazil for a couple of years on business). At first I thought someone else was her because before she arrived, she was on the phone telling me that she couldn't find the place, when another girl walked in front of the window who also talking on the phone and looking around like she was lost.

Ninja: what do you mean you can't find it? You just walked right past it, I'm looking right at you.

Girl: No you're not. What do I look like?

Ninja: You're an angry Chinese woman in your late 30s.

Girl: Uhhhh...what?

Ninja: Oh, excuse me...."Asian".

After a while, the Girl who Blogs, came in. And I have to say, she was a cutie. She was tiiiiny. Less than 5' tall (she wouldn't say how much less) and she talks like she blogs, which is a good thing because I like her blog. If I lived in NY and she had bad taste in men, I would definitely date her. Anyway, she gave me a shout out on the Dr. Blogsteins radio talk show the other day. After several drinks and appetizers soaked in trans fats, we left for the evening. I made it back to the train station with 10 minutes to spare and caught the 10:05 train. If I had missed that one, the next train to DC left at 3am, and that would leave me 5 hours with nothing to do except talk to the homeless people in Penn Station about conspiracy theories. I had a book with me that I bought for the train, which quite frankly sucked, so I probably would prefer talking to homeless people or Tranny Hookers (Hi Porter Goss!!!) than finish that book.

Anyway, I'm back now, and I'm making some progress on the ninja fortress. Next week I'll also start back at the gym and stop eating crappy food. I was eating like a fat girl sitting home from the prom for the past couple of months because, well, I thought I might die, so I didn't think it really mattered. But now I'm planning on getting back in shape. Technically, I'm in shape now, but I'd like to be in a shape that doesn't resemble a barrel.

Looking at this pic you can kinda tell that I put on some weight since November. I am no longer at 10% body fat, but I don't want to know the new percentage because it doesn't really matter. I'm not a fatass, but I look forward to getting back to fighting weight.


zulhai said...

You're purty.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post. I usually just scan the first bit that's displayed in Bloglines, but you lured me all the way in today with that line about George Bush doing calculus.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

zulhai, thanks!

zoom: thanks. yeah, I love bloglines.

Anonymous said...

I'm not even going to comment on the 10 percent body fat stat. Rest assured, your shape is not even close to resembling anything round.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, you're much cuter than I thought you would be.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

dcbrownie: thanks. I'm a perfectionist, I guess.

Anon: Thanks...I think.