Friday, March 21, 2008

Strange Days

I haven't been myself lately. I've been busy...very busy, and a little edgy lately. Last week I almost got into a fist-fight at 3 am with a drunk. I am usually pretty laid back (partly it's zen, and partly it's that I don't give a sh1t), but something just set me off. I came back from a club and it was late, but I still had to walk the dog so that he doesn't pee on my floor and then act like he has no idea how that puddle got there. I was still in my club clothes and walking the dog, when we passed the drunk. Since my dog is so cute, lots of people stop to pet him while we are walking...and because of that he's gotten used to going up to people and looking for affection in a a non-threatening way. So when he walked up and sniffed the drunk, the guy flipped out and started cursing at me. I think we've discussed before how one of the only things that sets me off is when someone bigger than me tries to physically intimidate me. Well, let's add "people who mess with my dog" to the list.

Drunk: what the fcuk is wrong with your dog, man!

Me: You know what's wrong with him...he didn't know you were an asshole, that's what's wrong with him. What's your problem?

drunk: if he comes near me again, I'm gonna' kick him!

Me: yeah? you're gonna kick him? well, he's right there motherf****, why don't you kick him right now and see what I fcuking do to you!

This went on for about a full minute, and people started turning their house lights and someone threatend to call the cops. At that point I walked away with a "yeah, have another drink you fcuking wino!" I probably shouldn't have said that. Obviously he had already had plently and the last thing he needed that night was an enabler.

Afterwards, I realized how stupid that was. The guy was bigger than me, but size doesn't really matter. I've gotten my ass kicked by people half his size.* I was thinking about taclking the guy and doing a neck crank (which you should only do to people you reaaaally dislike) but what I should've been thinking about was the consequences. What if the guy had a knife? What if his friends from the bar (no one drinks alone) saw us fighting and decided to "provide technical assistance"? What if I got arrested...and disbarred? What if I got injured? What if he got injured and sued me and he ended up owning the fortress (a blessing or a curse?)?

The funny thing is that the only reason I didn't tackle the guy is that I was wearing my leather jacket that I bought in San Fransisco and some other overpriced clothing that I got in Miami. So sometimes I guess it pays to be a metrosexual.

Anyway, like I said, I haven't been myself lately. Yesterday I was walking the dog and I was so zoned out that I didn't recognize a friend of mine who was standing 10 feet away and waving at me. I'm going to Florida for a few days to recharge my batteries, and after that I'll be back to my old self again. But in the meantime, I'll probably take a break from blogging for a couple of weeks to catch up on some personal stuff in my life. See you soon :)

*this isn't true. The last time I fought someone smaller than me was in the fifth grade. I don't want to fight people smaller than me because you should never fight a midget unless it's on pay-per-view.


Anonymous said...

Next time try counting to ten, then walking away.

Muskego Jeff said...

Maybe it's a cancerous growth putting pressure on your hypothalamus.

Or maybe some people just deserve a good ass-kicking and you're the righteous mo-fo to give it to 'em.

Anonymous said...

That's some crazy stuff there! I'm glad you refrained from attacking the guy (that neck crank didn't look especially comfortable, that's for sure).

I hope you have a good time in Florida and come back with your batteries sufficiently recharged. :)

Anonymous said...

I've been bitten by dogs twice in the last year during my daily power walks through the neighborhood. I'm usually listening to a headset, and am trying to get 3 miles done in 45 minutes. -- Don't want to deal with dogs, don't want to find out who is going to establish dominance, don't carry treats, don't want to stop and make small talk! Don't want to get my ass kicked either. Can't we all just get along?

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Anonymous: Yeah, I should've, but my dog is not someone you should mess with.

Muskego Jeff: I hope it's the latter.

zandria: yeah, the joys of the hood :)

Anonymous: yes, I'd like that too.

Anonymous said...

You called him a wino.

Anonymous said...

Don't be gone long. I need my Ninja fix.

kyrie. said...

you know, you're right. and thank you. it's nice to know that some people see who i am as being unique rather than dumping me with the "weird girl" title.

i hope your vacation in florida does some good. and you don't meet up with any disgruntled drunks.


busy is as busy stop fightin your middle aged man!

(arent you?)

moxie said...

I like your disclaimer. I think that's cool--a good rush of adrenaline does the body good. Just no tellin who's packin these days...have a good trip.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Anonymous: well he was.

Loveleelara: awwww thanks.

kyrie: you're welcome.

SAILOR MOON: who you callin middle aged?

Moxie: thanks, will do.