Tuesday, March 18, 2008


I was off yesterday and I went to Ikea for the last things I needed to finish my kitchen. It's not as loathesome a place during the week. On the weekend there's always thousands of people there and every single one of them is in my way. But if you go during work hours, the silence is deafening.

When I bought the kitchen cabinets from them several months ago, they supposedly sold me everything I needed for them. But it turned out that I was missing one door for one of the cabinets. And it's been driving me crazy ever since. OCD much? I also had to buy knobs for the cabinet. My friend chastised me for picking the most boring ones (basically, just a pull knob). But although I liked the funky ones she picked out, I decided to play it safe because my ultimate goal is to sell the fortress so I'm not looking for the decor to wow someone in particular, but rather to not offend anyone at all.

I installed the door, but I still haven't put the knobs on...weekend project?

In other news, my friend (and also one of the commenters) expressed doubt at my ability to lose 20 lbs in 20 days. Here's my plan for it:

  1. Work out with weights (or grappling) 6 days a week;
  2. cardio 3 times a week;
  3. decrease caloric intake by cutting out all food that tastes good and replacing it with stuff that tastes like crap (i.e. fresh fruits and vegetables).

I was 171.3 lbs when I posted the last time, and I weighed myself at the gym at lunch today and I am now 167.4 pounds. Now, I'm no mathematician, but if I keep going at this rate, not only will I be able to cut 20 pounds in 20 days, within a few months I will weigh less than nothing and will therefore be lighter than air, which will give me the ability to fly.

I will probably stop at 20 lbs, however.* If I learned to fly, that would be too much like a superpower, and I am sure there would be societal pressure for me to quit my job and use my powers to fight crime and uphold truth and justice, which pays next to nothing...unless you're crooked.

*I intend to lose about 12-15 pounds during these 20 days and drop the last 8 pounds in one day by doing furious cardio while wearing several layers of clothes and by not drinking or eating anything during the last 24 hours.


Anonymous said...

Anorexia isn't a hobby.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

Good luck with the weight loss :-)

dcavocado said...

I don't doubt you can do it. I just think it's an extremely unhealthy, assinine way of doing it. Especially since from the sound of it, this probably won't be the last time you'll do it either. Oh well...just be careful.

Anonymous said...

I suspect this is the ninja's way of staging his own death (and therby killing his blog). None of us will hear from you for a while, and then we'll think, "Well, the idiot was trying to lose 20 pounds in 20 days... he's probably dead."

Anonymous said...

I'm with DCavocado. I think it's definitely possible to do it, but really unhealthy.

Muskego Jeff said...

Want to lose 20 pounds of fat in 1 day? Cut off your head! Hahahahahaha, wow, I'm funny. Well, at least I think I'm funny. What I've written in my blog proves otherwise, I'll bet.

Jean Martha said...

Dude - Have you ever looked at your stumble upon review? It lists your site under "judaism".


I've never found it to particularly...spiritual. LOL

Lemon Gloria said...

Yikes. I'm sure you can do it. I just don't understand it.

Anonymous said...

Wow...do you really need to lose any weight?

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Anonymous: Are you calling me fat?

Capitol Hill 20210 : thanks

dcavocado: I will, thanks.

Anonymous2: no...but that's not a bad idea.

Anonymous: noted...

Muskego Jeff: well, that's a little drastic, but if you really have to make weight.

iloveupstate.com: yeah, some hot chick in macedonia listed my site on there. Judaism? Who knows...but she's hot.

Lisa: well, everyone cuts weight before a match, so if you don't you 'll be at a disadvantage.

YCCM'S': I don't NEED to, but it can't hurt. I could probably lose 10 lbs and look good. 20 lbs is pushing it.

Velvet said...

I am so glad I wasn't with you this time at Ikea. So glad. That was a colossal pain in my ass.

Jamie said...

Ninja: The only way you can lose that much weight in 20 days is to quit drinking. I would not recommend it, mental health is more important.

I just stumbled across your blog (from a comment of yours in a friend's blog). We are living parallel lives. I have been blogging about my fixer upper house in Columbia Heights and other shit for couple years.

And I just had my countertop put in a week ago after spending the last three months tearing up & rebuilding my kitchen and everything connected to it. I can't tell you how much time I spent leveling those damn cabinets, the idea of $4k disappearing while making a large cracking noise scared me responsible.

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog. Great stuff. Anybody who links to Homestar Runner and Ask A Ninja is cool in my book.

As a former wrestler, I agree that it is possible to lose that much weight, just not super fun.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Velvet: whatever...you love it.

Jamie: yeah, it's like the twighlight zone, but with yuppies.

greg tindale: yeah, I'll let you know how it goes.