Friday, July 07, 2006

Comcast Still Sux

In other news...Comcast still sux. I made another appotintment with them to come out and fix my internet before I die of sensory deprivation. When I called the phone monkey to set up an appointment, the following exchange happened.

Monkey: The tech guy already fixed your internet.

Ninja: No. He didn't fix it. He didn't even show. So unless he fixed it telepathicall-

Monkey: It says here he showed up friday.

Ninja: No, that's not true. No one showed or called. Your tech, is a liar, sir!

Monkey: Are you sure no one else let him in?

Ninja: Yes. I live alone and will probably die that way, thanks for reminding me of the terrible emptiness that is my existence, Satre.

Monkey: Well, my computer is showing here that your internet is working.

Ninja: Your computer is a liar. I don't have internet. I'm going through withdrawl. I got the shakes, man. Help me.

Monkey: Is the light that says "internet" on your cable modem lit up?

NInja: Yes. That's what makes it so frustrating. Please make it work. I needz interenet man. I can't do my ninja stock picks, check the weather, or buy weird stuff from eBay without it.

Monkey: Really? You can find out the weather on the internet? I just use it for Porn.

Ninja: I know, thats why you work in a call center, pervert. Well, because of that or your inbreeding, it's hard to tell which is more responsible.

Well, I guess I paraphrased some of that, but you get the point. I have to wait around for them again. If they can't fix it, I just gonna go commando and canel everything. I'll go back to the stone age and read books for entertainment or divine the weather by looking out my window. Either that, or I'll start drinking again.


Kathryn Is So Over said...

Wait, you haven't had anything to drink since the last happy hour?

Time to announce another...

m.a. said...

Isn't it Sartre? Sorry to be a litterary snob. You are in your own personal Huis Clos. Je vous donne mes regrets.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Kathryn: Well, I wouldn't say I haven't had ANYTHING, but I'm almost a lutheran now.

MA: I don't speak french, but I assume that means that you can forgive my spelling because I am so freakin' handsome. Roughly translated, of course.

Raincouver said...


So sorry to hear about comcast. Hillarious, though!

Liberal Banana said...

Well I hope you don't get internet back because I think you should start reading books on paper while sitting outside where your body will help you gauge what weather will come next, all while sipping a Ninja Cocktail. I think it would be jolly fun.

Shelli said...

Arghhhhh! So sorry. Hopefully they get their shit together soon.

Jessica said...

I recommend Herradura to commence the drinking binge. It's proved invaluable here, at the beach... with my family.

What would a ninja cocktail contain, anyway?

Anonymous said...

I had a run in with the Comcast repair guys twin yesterday. He works for FedEx. My conversation
with them sounded a lot likes yours.
Foolish man told his employer that he tried to
deliver the package at 8:35 am. But that can't be -
why because I was home until 9:30am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The FedEx's buddy that did deliver the package later
in the day tried to convince me that I was the one
that was wrong not them. After all their guys don't
deliver packages in this area that early. Gee, then
don't lie and write that time down.

JC in NJ

KassyK said...

Oh D-TV is just as bad...I had no tv for over a week with the storms and a little insane test I was doing with myself to see how long I could go. I just read A LOT, did way too much blogger and downed way too many Xanax. Hope it gets fixed asap.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

raincouver: no one is sorrier than me.

lb: Being without internet is not fun. It's very third world, if you ask me.

shelli: the odds are against that happening anytime soon.

BA: It would contain my own patented blend "Ninja Crunk Juice" which I sell for a meelyun bucks one day.

anon: I don't have a beef with FedEx, but UPS...don't get me started.

thanks K2: I may hit you up for some zanax if this internet doesn't get fixed. Or Vicidin.

K said...

We had trouble with our BellSouth DSL the entire first year we had it. It was so frustrating dealing with the phone monkeys (perfect name, by the way!) who told me to do all the steps I'd already done. AAAAAARRRGGGH! Then we moved and haven't had a moment's trouble with it at our current house. I think it's because we're the only people in town with DSL. :)

Anonymous said...


My name is Brian Weinthal and I am an attorney here in Washington, D.C. I am currently examining certain practices employed by Comcast with regard to its high-speed internet service. To that end, I am attempting to determine whether local consumers have encountered any problems with respect to the use of Comcast's high-speed internet. If you have a moment, I wonder if you would be willing to speak with me regarding your experiences with the services provided by Comcast.

Of course, your assistance is completely voluntary, and any information that you provide will be held in the strictest confidence. If you are interested in assisting in my inquiry, please notify me at and I will contact you directly. If you would rather not assist with this research, then just let me know. Thanks in advance.

Very truly yours,
Brian Weinthal