Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Random Stuff

Well, the week hasn't been going as well as planned. My "friend with benefits" (the tattoo and piercings girl from the art show) hasn't come down to "hook a brother up" in almost 2 weeks. I even offered to come up to Baltimore* to deliver the goods. But she was flying out of town for Thanksgiving.

Girl: I'll be back Friday...I bring you back some turkey.
HIN: Is that slang for for vagina?
Girl:'re such a kidder.
HIN: Uhhh, yeah...I was kidding...I'd much rather have turkey than vagina.
Girl: Hahaha...okay, I'll bring you back some of both.
HIN: Sweeeeet!

As I was talking, I got a call from one of my oldest friends in NYC, The Benonshurt Kid. I decided to switch over because the way things have been going lately I was worried it might be bad news.

TBK: Guess what? My wife is pregnant again!
HIN: That's awesome...are you the father this time?
TBK: Asshole!
I can kid around with him like that because we've been friends for such a long time...well that and because no one has invented a device to let you punch someone in the face over the phone yet. Anyway, TBK's previous wife (who was pregnant) died on 9/11 , so I'm glad that he's got something to look forward to this holiday season.

Moving on...

I decided against driving up to NYC for Thanksgiving, since I'm feeling lazy and unmotivated. Plus there's some family drama that I don't feel like being a part of. It's not a major holiday amongst my peoples (like Christmas, Easter or Shuriken Day) so its no biggie.

Moving on again...

I found out that some members of the ninja clan will be coming up for Christmas. Although this saves me from having to fly down to Florida, the last time they were here, the feral children almost got me banned from one of the few restaurants in my neighborhood that doesn't serve you food from behind bulletproof glass. So this time we'll be dining in Arlington. Feel my wrath, yuppies!!!

Anyway, maybe the need to avoid my family quietly judging me will motivate to finish up some lingering projects at the fortress....or maybe not.

*normally I'd rather get kicked in the nuts than go to Baltimore, but TWO WEEKS people!!!


Jean Martha said...

I am avoiding family drama too. I'm flying to Texas to clean a friend's house. Yep, would rather do manual labor than deal with my sister's bullshit.

Have a good one.

Anonymous said...

Thanksgiving is tough. I can take my family one at a time, but dealing with them all at once is way stressfull.

Lil Kate said...

I think you're a pansy... just sayin'.

Have I mentioned that I can be mean? No? Well, now you know.

HomeImprovementNinja said... I feel your pain.

Anonymous: DIvide and conquer?

Lil Kate: pansy? Is that slang for "Stud"?

carrie m said...

that's the thing with FWB. (the universal) you can hardly ever find someone who wants it as much as you do, which seems like a breach of contract. and that just sucks. or doesn't, as it were.

Anonymous said...

i definately think there is a formula that defines the correlation between ..number of family members present, length of stay and amount of hard liquor needed to avoid critical mass...i think einstein came up with that...oh he invented a wayyy less important formula..


Ugh, family holidays. I am so glad that frm reading your post im not the only one that hates the holidays with the fam. Its not that i dont want to be with them but....i just dont wanna!

Muskego Jeff said...

Pfffftttt. 2 weeks is nothing. After 14 years of marriage and two kids I can do 2 weeks standing on my head.

Lesli Richardson (aka Tymber Dalton) said...

If you'd just get a dog, you'd probably find a FWB who'd be willing to keep you...uh...benefited more often. *LOL*

Why would a ninja worry what anyone, even their own clan, think about their home improvement projects? Ninjas kick ass dude. If you're happy with it, that should be good enough.

Anyway, I enjoy being with my family because they put the "fun" in dysfunctional. *LOL* I mean, my uncle who just died had a stripper pole in his house. You can't make that stuff up. *LOL*

HomeImprovementNinja said...

carrie m: No one wants it as much as me.

suicide_blond: Maybe Einstein didn't have a family?

SAILOR MOON: I feel you.

Muskego Jeff: Is that what I have to look forward to when getting married?

MadMumbler Mommy: Thanks.