Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Odds and Ends

1. Sickness:

Okay, I think the worst of the illness is past. Because the new trend in blogging in to give updates on bowel movements: My stool is starting to look normal now. I mean, the consistency, not the color which is darker than normal because of the after effects of Pepto Bismol (which tastes like you are drinking pink chalk). I used my Wolverine-esque mutant healing powers to destroy the virus before it could escape the fortress and destroy all mankind. No need to thank me, people.

Okay, I think I'll avoid this latest blogging trend and leave that for the people who's blogging content is identical to their stool samples.

2. Home Improvement Experiments

I bought a pneumatic framing nailer the other day, and because it came with safety goggles, I was gonna do some work-related experiments by shooting it into dangerous surfaces and seeing what happens (hey, don't give me safety goggles and not expect me to use them, jus' sayin'). But I'll put that off for a couple of weeks because I'm gonna be reviewing some other stuff. Someone from one of the tool manufacturers is gonna mail me a cordless power tool with a new battery that they want me to review on my site. UPS tried to deliver it today, but because I'm not a hausfrau sitting around watching The View, I wasn't home when they came. But this could mark a turning point on my blog. I have foregone the use of advertisers on my blog because I don't believe blogging should be corrupted by capitalism (and because I have no idea how to put up banners, and because I don't trust "the Google" with my bank account info). I heard that some people get laid from blogging, but I didn't know you could get other free stuff (besides pooty-tang) from blogging. Who knew? If anyone else wants to give me stuff (including pooty-tang), please contact me at

3. Art:

Okay, in the comments to the art post someone asked me what my art looked like because they wanted to get laid too, I guess (who doesn't?). I'll post pics of the 3 pieces that I bought recently.

This is the piece that the artsy fartsy chick with the tattoos and piercings got all horny for. This piece is about 2 feet by 2 feet. The Title is "Accountability" and, yes, those are bullet holes. I don't know how art can make a girl hot, but then again I have no idea how millions of women can sit through an hour of Grey's Anatomy each week, so there you go.

This piece is about 3 feet by 2 feet. The piece is titled "Blue Stars", in case you didn't know. I don't know the effect that it will have on women because it hasn't been field tested yet, but it looks good on my wall, which can't hurt.

This is a huge piece. It's about 5 feet wide by 4 feet high. The title is "The Overwhelming Nature of Contemplating the Universe and the Desire to Embrace Complexity" (no, I'm not making that up). The artist is a friend of mine who's got a solo show coming up that I'll be pimping in an upcoming episode of "Free Plug Fridays".


Velvet said...

You should really delete number 1. I'm not sure who made it so popular to discuss stool and sickness from the belly, but only losers do that. Unless of course, you are "making fun," in which case, carry on!

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Velvet: Yes, I think you know the loser I'm making fun of.

Anonymous said...

You got laid from THAT? Maybe you're better looking than I imagined.

Anonymous said...

Well, your art is nice, but a little unusual. Maybe it's a metaphor for your blog?

Anonymous said...

Would have thought the other two paintings had greater pick-up potential. (Pretty nice pieces...) Unless there's something about bullet holes I just don't get.

Lesli Richardson (aka Tymber Dalton) said...

Maybe the chick got hot over it because OR rhymes with wh..... nevermind. I'm sure it was your superior ninja pick-up skills that did it. Who can resist a ninja? (As long as their head isn't stuck inside a toilet puking their guts up.)

Glad to hear you're on the mend.

You did clean the bathroom, right? It would suck if you got sick again from leftover germs laying around. Your blog is one of the few I read.

Yes, I have no life. But I, too, am stuck in home improvement hell and enjoy hearing of other people's misery... eh, projects.

Free tools? HellYEAH! My poor husband trails behind me at Home Depot when I'm shopping. I think he considers himself lucky that I prefer Nakita and Craftsman to Gucci and Tiffany.

Screw diamonds -- they get in your way when cutting plywood. And diamonds aren't a girl's best friend when you have a cat 3 hurricane bearing down on you and you have to cut plywood! Gimme that Skill saw.

Let me know if you have a good way of removing stupid popcorn ceiling coating without having to have it asbestos tested first. Mine's from around 1985.

Lesli Richardson (aka Tymber Dalton) said...

Of course I meant Makita, not Nakita.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Anonymous: Thanks. I think.

Angela: I don't do metaphors. Sometimes a simile or two though.

intelleg: Maybe they are phallic?

MadMumbler Mommy: Yeah, nuthin beats free tools. And asbestos scares me, so I have no advice.

Anonymous said...

phallic?... Erm, would have thought rather the opposite... Unless you're taking about the process of creating the bullet holes.