Friday, October 19, 2007

Adventures in Law Part 4: The Green Eyed Monster Named Carl

In the next installment, I'll talk about the Capitol Hill Internship I did while in law school, but in order to put into proper context I think you need to know how I got the job (and I hate excessively long posts, so I'll break it up into 2 posts).

Now, I'm gonna be politically incorrect and say that women who go to law school are not known for their physical beauty. Let's face it, unless a girl is pretty and so smart that she doesn't have to study to get good grades, she's not going to law school because it takes a lot of hard work to get grades that are good enough to get into a good law school and the prettiest girls in your sorority are not sitting in the library on a Saturday night. Jus' sayin'

I got the internship because of my friend from school, who we'll call "Carl" (even though his name is Chris).* Now, Carl is one of those people that you want to hate, but can't. At orientation I met Carl shortly after I met Dirty Dave (who upon seeing the girls at orientation said "this looks like a fcukin' battered women's shelter"). As we've discussed previously, Dave is not known for his tact. At orientation, there were two stunning women who stood out from the pack--like they didn't belong there. There was Kelly (who got a modeling contract in NYC for a couple of years before college, but was born smart enough to get good grades without ever studying), and another stunner who said she wasn't a law student, but rather a CPA. When I asked what she was doing there if she wasn't a student she said she was here with her husband, and introduced me to Carl. Now Carl wasn't the least bit jealous of people talking to his wife because Carl had everything going for him (including a smoking hot wife who worked to support him while he read law books by the pool).

Carl was:
  1. blonde hair, blue eyed, and looked like a Ken Doll;

  2. Smart;

  3. Althletic--Carl does triathlons in his spare time;

  4. Tall--he was about 6'4" tall; and

  5. a REALLY nice guy;

Carl had so much going for him that it proved that life was unfair, because if it had been fair, then he would've been born with only one testicle or something to make up for all the gifts that nature had bestowed upon him. (actually, Carl was from New Jersey, but I don't think that even bothered him).

But you couldn't hate, or even be jealous of Carl, because he was such a nice guy, that he deserved all the blessings of heaven that came his way. How nice a guy was he? Let me illustrate:

Before class one day we were playing a game (I think Dave came up with it) where you assume the world will end in a nuclear holocaust in 30 minutes. The game consisted of us going around and discussing which girl in the class you would nail in your last 3o minutes on earth. My answer was that I would go next door to Kelly's class, and if she was out that day, I'd come back and do the girl in the front row who always wears the slutty skirts and no bra.

When it was Carl's turn, he refused to play.

Ninja: Look, if the world is going to end, then your wife will never find out because all the witnesses will be dead. Just pick one!

Carl: No way...I love my wife and I wouldn't spend my last 3o minutes on earth being unfaithful to her.

Wow. He was such a nice guy that not only would not cheat on her in real life, he couldn't even be unfaithful to her hypothetically. If he was single, I would introduce him to my sister...although she probably wouldn't date him because he has a job and no tattoos.

Another time, I missed class and asked Carl for the notes from that day. Instead, he made me a floppy disk with all the notes from every class that semester. See? Nice guy.

Now, the way Carl got to work for Senator Shinebox, was that he mentioned to someone he met that he wanted to do an internship on Capitol Hill, and that person (an ex Hill Staffer) liked him so much (even though she only met him 15 minutes before) that she got him a job there. When I needed an extra line on my resume, Carl offerred to get me a job at his office. I had the shortest interview ever because as soon as they found out I was Carl's friend, I was hired.

Next Time: A Chris By By any other Name would be a Carl.

*the Carl/Chris thing will be explained in the next post.


Anonymous said...

Well, most male lawyers are not much too look at either! Fat, bald and bad dressers. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones you know!

dara said...

I think that ultimately, whether the girls (or guys) who go to law school are cute depends on where you go to school. Assuming that the worse the school, the easier it is to get in, I'd hypothesize that attractiveness is inversely proportional to the U.S. News & World Report rankings.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Dara. I went to a lower ranked law school, according to US News, and the people there were about as good looking as the people I went to undergrad with. There were plenty of good looking people, if you ask me.

Did you go to a elite law school, or are you just picky when it comes to looks?


Im digging this contraversial sexist confusion in this post. its luring me into the next one buhahahhaha

Anonymous said...

you make it seem like..legally blond..was fiction...
and no way reese is THAT good of an actress..;-)

Anonymous said...

If Carl had blue eyes (see #1 in your itemized list of physical attributes), why do you call him "The Green Eyed Monster Named Carl?"

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Paralegal Gal: Wow. Bitter much?

dara: I think you may be on to something there. I smell a big research grant.

Anonymous: I think it's a little bit of both.

SAILOR MOON: stay tuned ;)

suicide_blond: She's no Meryl Streep...nuff said.

Anonymous: Because Shakespeare called Jealousy the "Green Eyed monster".

Anonymous said...

I love this post, regardless of the all the law school talk.

I love when you meet people like that. All around good. They have everything going for them, they're great, AND they're just nice.

And here's the woman in me - I love that Carl said he loved his wife and would want to spend the last 30 minutes with her! A lot of other guys would have also made that choice to be with their significant other should something like that happen, but in front of the guys would have played cool and made up some lame answer while playing that "What If" game.

I love it. Straightforward honest, good AND cool.

Gotta love the Carls of the world.


Ninja!! i totally lost your email ! I wanted to send you an answer to that question you left on Redacted post.
I have that whole "what im reading now" portion on my blog.
After a long time of fighting the good fight i changed the mode on BLogger, you gotta go to teh Template section and get a new set up. ITs painless really. The good this that you dont even need html codes anymore. Its perfect for lazy people like me and u and u can add as many links to as many "what im doing now" whatevers that you want. :)

HomeImprovementNinja said...

starting today: Thanks :)

Sailor Moon: Thanks. FYI it's