Tis' it hot in here, or tis' it just me?
It's no secret that DC was built on a swamp. Even if you didn't know that, if you spent some time here in the summer you would figure it out pretty quickly. If I worked at some office with stuffy lawyers a few hundred years ago, my whiny ass wouldn't be very happy.
Ninja: Tis' soooo freakin' hot today. I wish I t'weren't required to wear these colonial outfits with the powdered wig. I am sweating like a frenchman. There tis a trail of sweat down my chest and it's formed a pool of water 'neath me bollocks!
Barrister: Yes, bollocks sweat is quite unpleasant, I daresay.
Ninja: I wish someone would invent a device that used air to cool oneself off.
Barrister: There is such a device. Tis called a hand fan, but the only men who use such a thing are those kind of men.
Ninja: What kind?
Barrister: I forget what they call are called, but you know, those men who are overly effeminate and are sexually attracted to other men.
Ninja: You mean the British?
The sad part of living back then is that making that little joke would brand me a as a traitor because freedom of speech hadn't been invented yet. Therefore, after making that joke, the Barrister and I would have to quit our jobs and join George Washington in order to fight for the right of free speech so that a few hundred years in the future, the rights that I fought for would be illegally usurped by corrupt politicians. Anyway, it's lucky that I wasn't fighting in the revolutionary war because I don't like people shooting at me, so I doubt that history would've remembered me for my valor under fire.
Yes, if I had been there, things would be really different. The history books would be talking about the short-lived American rebellion, and if the English had won the war, then we'd all be speaking English instead of, well....nevermind.
George Washington: The British are coming!
George Washington: NO! Hold your ground. Wait 'till you see the whites of their eyes!
Ninja: Then can I run?
George Washington: NO! No running!
Ninja: What about surrender? They look like they would take prisoners alive. I think I still have the white flag from last time.
*In my defense, the ninja fortress is a military installation and it's meant to repel invaders and provide a forward base for elite reconnaissance units, not to be some cozy bed and breakfast with frilly niceties like central air conditioning and TiVo.