Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Surfer Dude is a Super Dud

I saw the world's worst "comedy" movie last night, Surfer Dude. It was so bad, that I had to go home and look on IMDB just to make sure that it was a comedy. Prior to this, the two worst "comedies" I have ever seen were Lightning Jack and SpaceBalls. I laughed twice during Lightning Jack and once during SpaceBalls. I didn't laugh even once during Surfer Dude. Spaceballs was made after Mel Brooks stopped being funny, whereas Matthew McConaughey was never funny. Why do people keep putting this a55hat in movies? The only thing funny about him is the way you spell his last name.

So why did I go see it? Well...the awesome girl I'm dating keeps winning free tickets to movie openings. That's because I date winners, and if I'm not dating you, I'm not saying you are a loser, just that I've been busy and haven't gotten around to you yet. Last night night she won tickets to see a preview screening of the new Nicholas Sparks movie, Nights in Rodanthe. Afterwards there was to be a Q&A session with Sparks. I don't usually watch movies like The Notebook or Nights in Rodanthe because I don't have ovaries, but this was free and it was a date movie. Well, the line was huge, the lonely desperate women were lined up 3 deep to see this movie. I was the only guy in line, none of the other girls who are into Nicholas Sparks was attractive enough to get a date. It looked like a party for that sorority that focusses on academics rather than looks.

So, it turns out that because the producers wanted a full house for the screening, they gave away more tickets than there were seats. Rather than leave sulking like those sad, lonely women who gave up a night with their cats to see Nicholas Sparks, we snuck into another movie...Surfer Dude.

I took the liberty (because it's my blog) of looking on Rotten Tomatoes to see if I was the only person who hated this movie. This is the only movie I've ever seen on Rotten Tomatoes that got ZERO good reviews. One person said "Yes, this is a movie made by stoners for stoners." Well it's worse than that, because that insults good stoner movies like Harold and Kumar go to White Castle and Half-baked. Another called it "a hapless, laughless movie" and someone else nailed it with " a shapeless slog with virtually no tale to chase. "

It turns out that the female lead in this movie is the girl from Love, Actually. The one with the brother in the mental hospital who doesn't get laid in the entire movie. Well, she plays an uptight NY executive working on a surfing reality TV show and...get the end of the movie, she undergoes a wardrobe and attitude change and has sex with Matthew McConaghey (sp?) and adopts the laid back LA lifestyle and forgets about the NY corporate world. Cliche much?

The only reason, well, women and gay men, will go see this movie is because McConahey (sp?) doesn't have his shirt on in the entire movie. There are some gratuitous boob shots in the pool party scenes, but nearly enough to make this movie worthwhile.

Matthew McConahgjeyaly: Grade: F! You suck, your name sucks, and you suck at surfing.

Nicholas Sparks: Grade: D! You suck, but I'm sure after the premier you didn't sleep alone. With a room full of lonely, desperate women you must've gotten lucky, but instead of trolling the bars you made them come to you. So you get a break because I wish I was smart enough to come up with that idea.

AMC Lowe's Georgetown: Grade C- You are not metro accessible, but you can get discount parking if you validate your ticket. Also, your popcorn, while overpriced, was good and very buttery/salty.


JJ ZIGGLES said...

I just saw this movie on DVD last night and you are 100% correct--- the movie takes suckiness to new depths of Suck. There is amusement to be had in watching the special features though, where they have a camera in on the casting decisions and McConahuaueuey is discussing the movie like it's some kind of deep oscar-worthy masterpiece.

Andrew said...

man... i will forever check your blog before i watch a movie. you have saved me 2 hours of life by steering me away from this movie.

good review and very good style of humor.