Thursday, June 19, 2008


I'm not 22 anymore. It used to be that I could go out drinking till 4 in the morning and be walking around like nothing happened by 9 am. But your 30s are different from your 20s, and not necessarilly in a good way.

My friend Dirty Dave, who I've discussed here and here, is in town for a couple of days. We went out drinking (bad idea number one), and did more drinking (still a bad idea) and even more drinking (now a really bad idea) ended up in a strip club where I learned that someone I know in real life works as a waitress. Don't worry, sweetie, your secret is safe with me (and the imaginary people on the internet). At some point during the night, Dave tries to convince us to go the massage parlor/whore house up the street.

Me: Dude, you haven't lived here for four years, what makes you think it's still in business.

Dave: [so drunk he's slurring his words] because that place was FCUKIN AWESOME, man and when a whorehouse is that fcuking awesome, it stays around forever! My grandkids will be fcuking hookers there one day.

Me: Well, I hope they get new ones, because those whores will be pretty old by the time your grandkids visit that place.

I decide to take a pass on the whorehouse because I don't even like using public toilets so using a public va-jay-jay doesn't really appeal to me. I stay at the strip club with the girl I know, Papa Doc and Old Skool while Dirty Dave and the Weasel go to the whorehouse. After about half an hour Dave comes back and he's not all that happy.

Dave: Man, that place is going down hill. Those hookers were in the mid 40s and a little on the heavy side.

Me: So what did you do?

Dave: Is that a trick question? I fcuked her...

There is more to this story, and while it's really funny, I'll keep it to myself since this is a PG-13 rated site. He's still in town for another day and he challenged me to another eating contest at Fogo de Chau, but I don't really think I'm up for it. I'm so hungover I can barely hold down coffee, I don't think I'm ready for unlimited grilled meats.


John said...

Yeah, the 30's suck as far as party stamina goes. Once I went on a three day bender with a bunch of German and Austrian exchange students in college. I think I'd lucky to make it through the first night now.

I swear that Dirty Dave has to be related to my father-in-law in some way. Minus the whore house, I had nearly the same conversation with him on father's day.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

Dirty Dave sounds interesting and his name fits him well.

Did you guys go to the Crystal city Restaurant or somewhere nice like Camelot? lol

Jamie said...

I think it's not being 30's, it's being out of practice. When you go out drinking like Nick Nolte every night of the week, your body adapts, and in fact comes to expect it. I need less sleep now than when I was in my 20's.

It's just like any other sport- if you don't practice, you're gonna get crushed. I can get by on 3 or 4 hours a night for days on end when circumstances require it. But what kills me is the just one night out when I've been good for a while.

Anonymous said...

no fair! tell us where the brothel is!!!

Anonymous said...

You have some interesting friends!

(I don't think there's anything wrong with acting differently in your 20s than you do in your 30s. It seems like Dirty Dave is still trying to act that way, though.)

HomeImprovementNinja said...

john: getting old sux, at least your FIL has the right idea though.

caphill: it was Camelot. I hate the burbs.

jamie: so i need more training?

anon: nope...if it gets shut down, dave would never forgive me.

zandria: interesting? that's an...interesting word choice.

Anonymous said...

The 30s hurt. I gave up the gym and running for about 6 months, and while it used to be no problem getting back into the groove, returning to the routine now results in my waking up every morning and feeling like there's a pissed-off dwarf beating me everywhere with a lead pipe.