Monday, February 25, 2008

On Target?

I am hungover today, but I received some good news today (and no, it's not that Hillary Clinton has Syphilis).

When I first bought the impenetrable ninja fortress, "they" said that a Target store was under construction and would be open "soon".'s been three years and finally I can go get some slightly-better-than-walmart stuff without having to drive to Virginia for it. Oh yes, now high-ish thread count sheets and faux leather ottomans will be within walking distance of me. It will feel like I died and went to hausfrau heaven. Plus, I have some halogen bulbs that I bought at the Virginia Target 2 years ago that I need to return that I have been too laz, errr, busy to take to the other Target. It's like the planets are coming into alignment. The store is set to open in less than 2 weeks. I have seen then advertising job openings, and I thought about going in and pretending to fill out an application so that I could find out when they were opening, but luckilly, the internets saved me the trouble. March 9...sweeeeeet.

I figure that once the Target, Best Buy, and other retailers in that development by the metro are complete, it will make my ghetto more desirable, which will help me sell my sh1thole...err, fortress, to some yuppies for enough money to keep me in drugs and whores for a good long time. If I have any money left over after that, I'll even get a new car...or more drugs and whores.

When I first moved into my ghetto, the only place where you could buy stuff where the cashier wasn't behind bulletproof glass, was the Giant supermarket. Then a bar opened up...a yuppie food place...even a Ruby Tuesdays. Now the yuppie circle is complete.

I remember once hearing a hipster lament that soon my ghetto would look like Bethesda if someone didn't stop these greedy develepors. Rather than punch that soap-dodging hippie in his face, I just smiled and thought about what my house would be worth it it was in Bethesda.

One meeelyun dollars!

Anyway, in other news, I'm filling out an application for a home equity line of credit so that I can get central air conditioning installed. Selling a house to yuppies in DC without central air, is like trying to sell a car with no wheels to a Nigerian. I have no idea what that means, but you get the point. dog peed on my rug today because I was too hung over to walk him last night. I heard him crying and scratching at the front door last night, and I yelled at him to "shut the fvck up and go already!" I was hoping that he would come upstairs and use the toilet, but whatevs.


Anonymous said...

i here they sell anne geddes prints a target... yuppies love those...

Anonymous said...

duh.."hear" ...its a blond thing sorry

Anonymous said...

Sweet! All your hard work should be paying off handsomely one of these days! :)

Anonymous said...

I saw them hanging the Target signs last month. I didn't realize they were so close to finishing.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

SB: You like Anne Geddes? If so, why aren't you married with 10 kids and going to church 4 times a week and wearing frumpy dresses?

zandria: I hope so. AFter this I'm buying a new condo and relaxing...forever.

anon: Yeah, I saw it but I didn't believe it until they started taking applications.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

love the dr evil quote

Lesli Richardson (aka Tymber Dalton) said...

You won't be the first (or last) dog owner to pick cleaning up over walking the dog because of feeling like crap. I've done it before, not because I was hung over, but after I had back surgery, but whatever, others have done it too. But don't make a habit of it or he'll think it's okay to do it all the time. (Once is a story, twice is a lifestyle, I'm just saying...)

Mix 50/50 WHITE vinegar with water and flood the area on the carpet, blot well, it'll take the smell out. When you go to clean the carpet, use LIQUID Gain (not the powered) without the bleach in a carpet cleaner (rented, of course) and put a capful of Downy in the catch tank instead of their crappy defoamer. It will clean the rug and make the whole house smell like laundry, and it's a dang bit cheaper than the worthless carpet cleaning crud they try to sell you for $100/oz when you rent the darn thing.

Jean Martha said...

You said "my dog". Is he staying!?!?

Not only do they have Anne Geddes prints, but you can also find the Celine Dion/Anne Geddes program. It's helpful to have around in case you need to induce vomiting.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Capitol Hill 20210: thanks.

MadMumbler Mommy : thanks for the advice. It's a rug in front of the door, not a carpet, though, so I'm not too worried about it. no...getting attached, but still not keeping the goofy mutt.

Anonymous said...

You sho do love that dawg...are you suuuuuure he's not staying?!
He's adorable and the two of you seem like excellent companions. Equally curmudgeonly, perhaps?