

Proving what we already suspected: that Catholics are his chosen people and those ridiculous rituals with the incense and the kneeling that we go through do actually please him. (and that he forgives me for calling Sister Helen a fat penguin when I was 6...and again when I was 32).
Actually, this handiwork might have been the work of the Arch -angel Gabriel, but there is plenty of credit to go around. Big ups to whomever was responsible.
So back to the update: He hired people while I was in Florida and they cleaned out (most of) the dirt in the driveway.I don't know if it was 'cuz I narc'd on him, if it was the voodoo dolls I made of him with the sacrificial chicken blood, or maybe it was the dead hooker* I left on his doorstep with a note saying "get rid of the dirt in your driveway or I'll kill you next." But whatever it was that did it, it's (mostly) gone.


I'm thinking of narc'ing on him again about the illegal underpinning thing he's doing in his basement, but I'll do a separate post about that later.
*Okay, this will be the last dead hooker joke I make on my blog...probably. I don't want weirdos coming to my blog looking for dead hookers. Unless they already here, in which case...welcome!
12 comments:
Wow ... this is the funniest blog ever. Keep on.
Holy cow... he's underpinning his house without a permit?
Narc, narc - stat!!
Thanks facinacion, I didn't know I had a fan in Zambia.
Siryn, yeah...I was thinking of letting it go, but a house a block from me collapsed (and there was another on the news) recently so I'm debating whether to overcome my reservations against being a narc. I'll post some pics of the collasped building in the follow up.
Smoted? Smoth? Smithe? Smithed?
Um, I give up.
Wow, that is weird. Dirt dumping bastard...
Did you know I hit a squirrel with my car on Sunday? I could bring it to you if you need to leave it on his doorstep, if you can't find any hookers to take out.
Never give up on dead hooker jokes.
For example, what's the difference between a dead hooker and a cadillac?
I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
Zing!
Love your blog! Looks like karma worked in your favor. Narc the guy out, the next people who own that home will thank you.
e:) I think we can at least agree that having been smitten, they were shown that the heavenly pimp hand is strong.
banana, yeah I read about your squirrel. Was that just for fun, or did the squirrel do something to make you go all sopranos on it?
rcr, even if I don't make dead hooker jokes, I won't censor the commenters on their deceased-hooker-related speech...that would be unamerican.
c&c, thanks. I'm leaning towards narc'ing on him because of the safety issue, but most of my neighbors have done work without permits at one time or another, but still, this is a safety issue.
I don't know what underpinning means. Can you refer me to a definition or some readings on the subject so that I can be proper appalled? :)
Hmm... so if you neighbor has illegal underpinning.. and his house collapses as a result.. does your property value go up or down?
mysterygirl, I'll explain underpining next week, in more detail.
monica, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't help home values. Dead bodies are always bad for the neighborhood, just ask Jeffrey Dahmer's neighbors.
What is the soil like in your area? Is it sandy? Clay? Loamy? If it's fairly sandy, you need to narc on him like YESTERDAY and possibly get an engineer to do a survey to make sure that your house hasn't been disturbed.
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