Plus I don't keep hot chicks with shaved heads, like Natalie Portman, locked in my basement, which, let's face it, is kinda weird.
He's got really cool hats though.
Longtime readers will remember that when I first started blogging, I also beat a red light ticket from the fascists at the DC government. I'm starting to think my legal skillz are invincible. I'm like the Clarence Darrow of municipal court. Hopefully parking nazis and traffic cops everywhere will read this and realize that giving me a ticket is futile and they might as give up. With my skillz, I could probably show up to the police precinct, drunker than a Kennedy, in a stolen car, with a dead hooker in the trunk and still get away it.
Before I get angry letters about making dead hooker jokes, let me say that this is purely hypothetical.
- I live in DC and you can't walk out of your house and find dead hookers laying around like you can in New York or Detroit;
- I don't think it's medically possible to get drunker than a Kennedy. It's like saying that's it's possible to go faster than the speed of light. I mean, it's possible in a theoretical physics equation on Stephen Hawkings blackboard or maybe an episode of Star Trek, but not in real life; and
- I have no idea how to hotwire a car. So unless I start hanging out with Richard Dean Anderson and we start re-creating some of the all-time best MacGyver episodes, this entire scenario is implausible.*
Here's a copy of the actual letter, with the identifying info removed so I can retain my stealthiness.
And, yes, I did edit it out using post it notes because I don't know how to use photoshop. I told you before that my awesome skillz don't pertain to computers.
*It should also be noted that ALL MacGyver episodes are equally awesome, so it's impossible to single out a best episode. It's like saying "infiniti plus one". This, of course doesn't apply to the greatest MacGyver episode of all time: Three for the Road. Which is, ironically, exactly like infiniti plus one.