Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The Grass Isn't the Only Thing That's Greener

I think I've seen it all now.. Check out this Article: multi millionaires are envious of billionaires. WTF?

Now I know why greed is one of the seven deadly sins. Greed is probably the worst of the seven deadly sins--except for gluttony, because it makes you a big fatass. No, I take that back, because with gluttony, you get to enjoy some delicious deep friend food. Maybe some flan, or a peanut butter and banana sandwich. With lust, you get to make sexy time, which is fun. With rage, you get to kill annoying pedestrians with your NLAAV. But what do you get with envy? Nothing besides your name mentioned in a NY Times article showing the world what a greedy little twerp you are who’s not satisfied with anything they have. Yes, I’m talking about you Mr. Reid Hoffman. Or should I call you Greed Hoffman? You sold your company for over a billion dollars, (of which you probably got tens of millions) but are upset that the YouTube guys got more than you? You want us to feel sorry for you because your millions only entitle you to live an “upper middle class” life style? Boo effing hoo.

So what? You didn’t get all the marbles. Do you think if I was dating Rachel McHottie, that I would get upset because she wasn’t Judy Greer? No! You know why? Because unlike you, Greed Hoffman, I know what’s important in life. And it has nothing to do with you and your little techie friends comparing Porsche Boxters and trying to out-man each other to make up for your small man-tools. What life is about is the simple pleasures. Like nailing Rachel McHottie and then telling your friends about it (and having them believe you). Life’s about flan and peanut butter and banana sammiches. It’s about the smell of dew on a Sunday morning and pulling back the covers to see a sleeping Judy Greer in your bed. Uhhh, I meant, Rachel McHottie. Like I said, I’m not greedy or anything.

Anyway…I may be getting a new laptop soon, and if I do, I’ll probably blog more regularly. But in the meantime, have a happy thanksgiving everyone (especially Judy Greer and Rachel McHottie, and except for Greed Hoffman).

11 comments:

-J said...

Dude, this is the second time I've read something on your site and nearly spit my peanut butter, flan, and banana sandwich all over Rachel... er, my wife.

Thanks for a jolly good time.

media concepts said...

Interesting, today I was driving in SoCal, and had the thought that the Tenth Commandment, "Thou shalt not covet ... anything that is thy neighbor's," is being violated all over the place. This is very close in substance to the Deadly Sin of Greed.
P.S. I saw a picture on the net some time ago of Rachel, with hair on her jublies. Maybe that will make you feel better.

Velvet said...

Um, helllllllooooo??? Rachel McAdams is way hotter than that other thing you linked to.

Hustleman said...

I have to agree with Vevet. I prefer Rachel McAdams. Lord have Jesus that woman is fine!

SAILOR MOON said...

Man you are a serious trip !
Have you read Dans new blog? It's only crazy funny!

love - kiki

HomeImprovementNinja said...

J, thanks. Rachel has that effect on people.

MC, hope you're enjoying Cali.

Velvet, I luv you and all, but don't go blasphemin' on my blog!

hustleman, I don't disagree that Rachel is fine. But Judy Greer is borderline crazy, which makes her wild in the sack. FACT!

sailormoon, what's his new blog?

HomeImprovementNinja said...

My top 10 list:

1) Judy Greer (I dig neurotic chicks, and she is as close to the neurotic/crazy line as you can get without being actually crazy. (as opposed to Angelina Jolie who is so far over the neurotic/crazy line that she can't even see the line from where her crazy ass is standing).

2) Rachel McHottie (no explanation needed)

3) Kate Isitt (okay I have a thing for british chicks)

4) Eva Green (and french chicks)

5) Heather Graham (genetic perfection)

6) Audrey Tattou (mmmmm, more french tang)

7) Penelope Cruz (mmmm, spanish chicks)

8) Naomi Watts (thank you, aussies!)

9) Brianna Banks (okay, don't google that)

10) Angelina Jolie (she would probably give you mindblowing sex until the relationship ends with her stabbing you in the face with a fork).

Hustleman said...

Trust me, I know better than to google Brianna Banks from work...LOL. Good shit!

niels said...

Damn! Someone else has discovered the delicious secret of the peanut butter, banana, and flan sandwich. I thought I was special and unique.

Lord Chimmy said...

You, sir, are entertaining.

Siryn said...

mmm, flan.