Your Butt Called me again

When I switched from a flip phone to one with the buttons on the face, a curious thing happened. I started calling my girlfriend a lot more...by accident. You see, theoretically the phone locks up and you have you to hit a button to unlock it, which is supposed to prevent you from calling people with your butt when you sit down. Unfortunately, on my phone, the button you hit to unlock it is the biggest button...right in the middle of the phone.

My phone doesn't call random people though, it's usually the girlfriend who at first thought it was funny, but quickly tired of it.

SCENE 1: SITTING IN THE CAR

GF: My phone's ringing, who would be calling me this early?

Me: Probably some douchebag telemarketer.

GF: No...it's you, your butt is calling me...AGAIN!!!

A couple of weeks ago, my GF devised a brilliant idea to keep that from happening again. "Watch this!" She said as she took my phone from my back pocket and put it in front pocket. Of course, I can't walk around with a phone in my front pocket because it makes it look like I have a constant erection and, I mean, who wants that, right?

This morning it happened again (the phone call, not the constant erection) and I receive a text message from the GF at 8 am.

GF: Your Butt called me again this morning.

Me: It was freezing...maybe it was calling for help?

Yeah, it was bitterly cold today. So cold that I didn't make it from the metro to my office without stopping into a Staples store (and a bagel store) just to warm up. That's why history or no, I am not attending the inauguration on Tuesday, but will watch it from the warm toasty seat I have in my bedroom. And by seat, I mean bed. I will also not be attending the free concert on the mall. I know it's not everyday that you get to see U2 and Beyonce playing a free concert, but when you turn to the news and they are giving concert goers tips on how to avoid hypothermia, that's when I know it's not for me.