Actual Recent Conversations with the Girlfriend

[after I drove over a huge pothole and almost killed my car]

Her: Yeah...by the way, watch out for that pothole....it's
huge.

Me: You could've mentioned that before I ran over it. You could
break an axle on that thing.

Her: Or you could just drive around it?

[discussion about proper names of body parts]

Her: Stop saying "Chocolate Starfish" and "Turd cutter." Those
are stupid names for someone's butt.

Me: What am I supposed to call it then?

Her: The Chocolate Factory.

[in the car and we spot a sign for Leesburg]

Her: What the hell is a Leesburg?

Me: It's a town with a bunch of antique shops. Why? Do you want to buy an antique?

Her: No....you're my antique.

[talking about guys night out]

Her: I know exactly what you guys do when you hang out at a
bar.

Me: Oh really, what's that?

Her: You drink a few Brewskis with your Bros, eat some buffalo wings, watch the game, and high five each other when you talk about chicks.

Me: That's completely ridiculous...no one calls it a brewski.

[pointing out a new chainstore in my neighbrohood]

Me: Hey look! They just opened up a [national chain store] in my neighborhood.

Her: Yeah, we have one of those in Bethesda, except without the muggers and junkies in front.