Sunday, July 16, 2006

As long as my parachute opens...

Alright, so Israel is fighting with Hezbollah and I am really pissed off. Hezbollah?…Who even knew that was a country? I bet you’re wondering what I’m pissed off about. I’m not pissed that the Israelis are fighting the Hezzbolians….err, Hezbollites? Whatever. They could kill each other from here to Sunday for all I care. What I’m upset about is what it’s doing to the financial markets. Why is the price of oil (and soon gas) shooting up? I’m positive there is no oil in Israel and pretty sure there is no oil in Hezzbollah. Actually, I’m not all that sure about the second part since that country is so small that I can’t even find it on a map.

And it’s freakin’ killing the stock market lately. STOP! STOP NOW!!! Recently I added a new feature to my blog, Ninja Stock Picks, so that I could brag about yet another or my skillz and along comes a stupid war and threatens to mess that up.

What if this fighting escalates and engulfs the whole middle east, maybe the whole world? I’m sure I’ll get people gloating in emails if one of my stocks goes down after a tactical nuclear strike that kills millions. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that after a tactical nuclear strike it would be a good time to invest and scoop up some bargains. I’m one step ahead of you, my dear readers. But there’s only a couple of problems with that:

1) I’m already almost fully invested;
2) Some of the dead people might be my readers and then they couldn’t see how awesome my picks are and they wouldn’t be rejoicing at how rich I made them…because they would be dead.


Keep some money available for investing people. Next month I may have the best Ninja Stock Pick to date. I won’t tell you what it is, but involves two areas that I know a lot about and love: FOOD and BREASTS. I won’t mention the stock now because I’m still performing the fundamental analysis of this stock (which involves me eating food and staring at breasts on the street). But if all goes well, I’ll recommend this stock next month and you’ll see why you can’t possibly lose money by investing in food and breasts. It’s genius, I tell you!!!

In other news. THis week I'll havean actual home improvement post (with pics!). Desptie my Internet troubles , I figured out how to take pics with my phone and email them to myself.

Also, I'll have a Houston Update, and an internet update.

10 comments:

Shelli said...

If you figure out this whole "war means let's jack up the price of oil/gas" thing, will you let me in on it? They jacked up the price of gas around here during the Korean missile testing thing, too. WTF?

SAILOR MOON said...

Oh my god, I thought you might enojoys these clips :Actual Ninja Training lol :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkwHmOgwAzU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92ezv6f5S-M

Momentary Academic said...

Don't some breasts contain food? hmmmm. You're an interesting one. I look forward to the stock picks.

Raincouver said...

You lost me at breasts.

Big Daddy said...

Not to be nit picky, but Hezbollah is actually a militant Islamic group operating in Lebanon, not a country.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hezbollah

Does your stock tip have anything to do with 'Hooters'?

HomeImprovementNinja said...

shelli, it's all a big scam. Cheney's getting rich of this, so we might as well too.

kiki: thanks. I've seen the first one.

momentary: no...but that's a good guess. I won't mention it yet because I don't want people investing in it too early and losing money.

raincover: that's why it can't lose. BREASTS!

barney: That's a good guess, but no. It's another company that pairs food and breasts, but not in the way you're thinking.

Scenic Artisan said...

ninjas, not bombs!

Twoste said...

I'll go tell them to stop.

ducklet said...

I'm sitting on a soon to be announced Coffin IPO, myself. Four More Wars! Four More Wars!

Can't miss!

mere said...

okay, you may not even get old comments but here goes:

i was going to leave a comment about the israeli/hezbollah conflict but then decided since you found ron paul on milk and honey i don't have to really say anything about that.

but i have a question- would the new investment involving breasts and food be a place called "Bikini's"? all of the outties down here are going on about it and i guess it's supposed to be a big chain or something. basically along the line of hooter's except you get a little 'a' with the 't' and mini-burgers, not wings. just curious.