HIN: I'm calling the cops. It should be pretty easy to find. It's green and plastic, like every other trashcan in DC, but mine has a whole near the top where a racoon chewed a hole in it.* (at least someone appreciates my cooking) The DC Cops are so competent that they should find it in no time.
Friend: Why would someone steal your trashcan with a hole in it, if they could steal one without a hole in it?
HIN: Because crackheads will steal anything, that's why!
Friend: Why would a crackhead steal something that's free?
HIN: Because he's a crackhead!
This circular logic even confused me. Now I guess I could've called the city and asked for another one, in which case they will probably ask me to write a letter, then tell me they never got it, then I would write another letter, then they will relent and give me another trashcan and charge me a meelyun dollars and when I complain about the cost they will refer me to some obscure section of DC trash regulations and then tell me to go fcuk myself.
So I did the next best thing. I stole one from my crazy Sudanese neighbor. The one who dumps dirt in my driveway and rents to 30 illegal immigrants who all want to park their cars (with no license plates) in my driveway. Let him deal with the city. How do you say 'Karma' in sudanese?
*I assume it was a racoon because the thought of a rat doing that scared the bejeesus out of me.