Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Sicko.

I am sick. Realllllly sick. Because I don't ever get sick (even my immune system is badass), if this bug has gotten the better of me, then it's some kind of superbug that will destroy will destroy all mankind (and most of womankind) if not stopped.

I haven't been able to get up for almost 24 hours and I'm hurting bad. For the good of mankind (and womankind) someone should come over to my place and put a bullet in me to end this. If you do decide to come over and kill me, please be aware of certain things:

  1. my place is a mess, because I am sick (and lazy) so don't judge me;
  2. if you kill me, please return my Netflix movies (Apocalypto has been out for almost 2 weeks and it still sux as bad as the day I got it);
  3. if you need to wash up to get the blood off, you should use the garden hose outside. You REALLY don't want to go in that bathroom after what's been going on in that toilet for the past two days. Jus' sayin'.
  4. Also, could you set my VCR (my old skool TiVo) to tape tonight's Ultimate Fighter. When I come back to haunt the ninja fortress I'd like to see it.

Thanks!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hope you feel better, and that you were kidding about the toilet. Gross!

MadMumbler Mommy said...

1) LOTS of fluids -- water, chicken soup (oy!), Gatorade. NOT alcoholic fluids. Might make you feel better temporarily, but trust me, you'll regret it shortly after consumption. Another good thing is Jell-O liquified, but not gelled. Yum! Ginger ale -- the REAL stuff, like Vernors or something, not the cheap generic crap. Ginger helps settle the tummy. Also, seltzer water will help too, with a little lemon, or Perrier or something like that.

2) Crackers. Nibble them. Will help settle your tummy.

3) If you still feel like being killed tomorrow, let us know. Hopefully this is just a 24-hour bug that's a little slow with timekeeping. If so, we'll come armed with a 9mm and Tidy Bowl.

4) VCR? wtf? Why doesn't the ninja have a dvr or Tivo or something like that? All well-supplied ninja fortresses should come with a dvr.

JoJo said...

I feel your pain. I'm about to infect two planeloads of people tomorrow as I attempt to come home to recover.

Anonymous said...

Don't do what Jojo is doing. Stay home so you don't infect anyone else.

SAILOR MOON said...

poor ninja man. Hope you feel better!!

xoxo

Lisa said...

Oh, feel better. Gatorade is a fantastic product. As is ginger all. Anything with ginger. And miserable as it is, I always think, well, on the upside, might drop a couple pounds.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

anon: thanks.

MMM: thanks. I've been drinking Gatorade and soup for 24 hours. (and pepto bismol...blech).

jojo: well, if you've got something you don't want, you should give it away.

Anonymous: screw everyone...what about me, me me!!!

SAILOR MOON: thanks.

Lisa: Well, I probably lost a few pounds, but it was all water weight.

suicide_blond said...

awww... pooor little ninja needs chicken soup...
hope youre better soon...
xoxo

zandria said...

Being sick sucks! I'm usually super-immune too, so I'm staying faaaarrrrr away from you!

HomeImprovementNinja said...

suicide_blond: I'll take the soup. It can't hurt, right?

zandria: uh, where's you bedside manner?