Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Odds and Ends:

1. House Stuff:
My trashcan wasn't stolen by a crackhead. It was taken mistakenly by a neighbor who, like me, was too lazy to write their house number on it. I spotted my old trashcan (the one where the rat, errr, raccoon that was hungry had chewed a hole in it). I could've let my neighbor keep my old trashcan (he took it so he must like it better, right?), but I switched them back. I like the new traschcan better but Catholic guilt, like herpes, is something that you can never really be completely cured from.

And speaking of Catholic guilt, I 'm not apologizing to the crackheads of DC for accusing them on the internets of stealing my trashcan. I'm sure they are not really offended because
  1. they are on crack and probably too high to be offended by anything; and
  2. they probably didn't read my post because they probably sold their computer to buy money for crack.
So....no harm, no foul.

2. More House Stuff:

My free tools didn't arrive because some lazy UPS Driver lied to his dispatcher and claimed he came by the fortress five times and the final time delivery was refused. He only came twice and I wouldn't refuse something that's free (especially power tools). I think he must've been out getting "massages" from a whorehouse and lied about delivering his packages. I put in a call to UPS and I'm gonna call the supplier and see if they can re send it. I hate UPS now. Not as much as hate olives or people who stand in your way on the escalator, but I do hate them.

3. My iPod:
Re-loading every single CD I own into my MacBook because I accidentally erased them off my iPod which had been "sync'd" to my old iMac is even less fun than it was the first time I did it. This is probably like saying "getting my wisdom teeth removed the second time isn't as fun as the first time" but I'm trying to keep positive here. I'm starting to hate Steve Jobs and his pretentious hipster black turtlenecks. Not as much as I hate UPS, but I hate him.

4. Ninja Stock Picks:
Today was a good day for the stock market (and the Ninja Porfolio). My portfolio went up $2700 today. That sounds great until I mention that it went down $9000 yesterday.



Smith and Wesson, the second largest holding in the Ninja Portfolio went down 40% yesterday. I don't want to blame Dubya, but what the hell kind of a country do we live in where Republicans get elected and a gun company still can't make enough money to let me be rich enough to move to a tropical island and drink myself into a stupor for the rest of my life. Instead of worrying out bailing out subprime borrowers, who made their own mess, how about some nice government contracts for some American gun manufacturers. And by "some" I mean Smith and Wesson (the other gun manufacturers can go fcuk themselves for all I care).

Anyway, since I'm down a few thousand bucks, I may start charging a subscription fee for this site...anyone wanna buy some CDs? How about some art from people who's names you don't recognize? Maybe you could "invest" in my blog as a (very) silent partner?

5. Halloween:
Despite my not decorating the ninja fortress for Halloween (partly because it's a military facility and shouldn't be decorated and partly because I've been busy, but mostly because I've been lazy) I've had some extortionists come by and I've had to pay them mafia-style protection money in chocolate mini Hershey bars and Kit Kats. It's funny how people are so forgiving when it comes to children. If I put on a ski-mask and threatened to vandalize my neighbors houses unless they paid me, I don't think the police would be as forgiving.

6. Random: I'm debating about whether or not to post about my recent encounter with a crackhead/mugger. The people I've told the story to think it's funny, but I get angry thinking about it so I don't know if I will. Does anyone care about that or should we keep it light?

15 comments:

E :) said...

Give us the crackhead/mugger story. You know you want to.

Anonymous said...

I'm with E. Story please!

suicide_blond said...

you tease....we want the story
xoxo

zoom said...

I need the crackhead mugger story for my collection.

Lil Kate said...

It's not fair to bait us like that. And seeing as how you've already tested it out on your friends, I'm sure it will fly here.

D said...

are you okay HIN? but more importantly...out with the story.

Enquiring Minds said...

Like keeping people in suspense much?

HomeImprovementNinja said...

E: Not really.

Anonymous: You're with her in Oz, or with her in agreement?

suicide_blond: Tease? This coming form the girl with all the p0rn posts? Pot, meet kettle :P

zoom: You're collecting crackhead stories?

Lil Kate: Maybe...I'll it my way though.

D: Yes I'm fine...did I ruin the ending?

Enquiring Minds: Wasn't my intention.

lemmonex said...

Please share. Don't tease.

SAILOR MOON said...

hmmmm

Michelle said...

It's been awhile since I've heard a good mugging story. The last one was the guy who attempted to mug my brother by pretending his finger was a gun a la Kevin Costner's attempted kidnapping of James Earl Jones in "Field of Dreams."

Kathy from NJ said...

We never got a picture of the tux so I'm not holding my breath waiting for the c/m story. But I would like to hear it, especially since you apparently survived.

Cathy P said...

When i crashed my laptop and had about 3000 song's on it I didnt want to download all of the music again, so I used some software that was called a IPOD Music Ripper to pull the info from my laptop, then I downloaded ITUNES from the web and loaded it in there and then linked it up.
it was much easier, Good luck.

Lisa said...

Write about it if makes you feel better. If it makes you relive it and makes you angry, don't.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

lemmonex: Me tease? I'm not the one posting pics of food on the web and not sharing.

SAILOR MOON: yes, hmmmm, indeed.

Michelle: well, maybe they're all the same?

Kathy from NJ: Yes, well, I'm not the most punctual person ever.

Cathy P: thanks for the tip, but I'm almost done doing it the old way.

Lisa : good advice, thanks.