Christmas Break From Blogging.

Okay, I haven’t made much progress lately on my to do list around the fortress, but I’m hoping to kick it into high gear after the new year. I installed most of the baseboard molding upstairs, before I left. Not because I was motivated, but because I got sick of seeing it in my living room and having to step around it. Plus when people come to visit and see it sitting in the same place for several weeks, they can figure out that you haven’t been doing much. It’s sorta’ like when see your kid sitting on the potty for hours with a bored look on his face and you just know that nothing much is being produced, but he won’t get up from the potty and pretend to wipe his butt because that would be admitting failure. So he sits and sits on the potty, missing such cartoon classics as Voltron, Transformers and Thundercats because he’s too proud to admit that he’s not even capable of producing a pile of shit.

I’m also getting a new laptop (macbook) after the new year, so that should solve all my picture posting issues. Plus, it’s got a camera there so I may do my first ever video post. "Okay, this is me sitting on the sofa watching netflix and pretending that I’m too tired to finish the floors". So I actually did some work, and I’ll post about it with pics when all is well with my computer situation. In related news, I really regret cancelling my cable now. Netflix is okay, but I really miss cable. I miss my house porn (DIY Network, HGTV shows) and I miss the high-speed access to the internet that cable offers. It’s like giving up toilet paper and being forced to use leaves and flat stones like a caveperson.

In other news, someone in the UK offered me 40 pounds to let me put a text ad on my site for a year. Does anyone think I should do it? Does anyone know how much 40 pounds is in real money? Does anyone know why people in England are reading about my toilet?


Well, I’m outta’ town for a couple of weeks so I probably won’t be blogging. I’ve been in Florida for less than two days but already my family is driving me crazy (although it’s not really a very long trip). I’m considering having a couple of people guest blog for me. The only thing that worries me about guest bloggers is this: I love my blog like I love my (theoretical) wife or bacon. And letting someone post on my blog is like letting someone make love to my wife (or eat my bacon). Which is why I think the guest bloggers should be female. If someone is going to make love to my wife, I want it to be a hot chick and I want to be able to watch it happen. Or if someone is going to eat the bacon on my plate (and not get their ass kicked) it will be some hot chick who will eat it all sexy like Jennifer Beals eating the lobster in Flashdance. Yeah, ‘cuz that’s hot. Where was I? Oh yeah, the other problem is that you folks might like the guest-bloggers better they post things about topics other than my toilet and ninjas. This could open up a whole new world for the sad pathetic people who pay $99 a month for high-speed internet so that they can read about toilets on the internet. (The people who tune in to read about ninjas on the internet, however, are not pathetic. I myself use the internets and the google to find out about ninjas. Well, that and for porn,).

Anyway, things suck here, but mostly because rather than relaxing, I’m getting stress. Within a few hours of my getting here, my sister had me and my brother installing some flooring in her new house. I don’t even get stuff done on my own place and I am doing stuff on hers? I won’t even get into my wacky family either (yet). I’ll save it for later. See y’all soon.