On the Road Again Part 3: I threaten a Dog

Because I don't believe in straight lines, I am almost done re-capping my trip to St. Louis. You can read the rest of the story in Part 1 and Part 2.


When I first met the world’s most annoying chihuahua, Crash, I sat down on the couch and a blurry running rat-like creature scurried up my leg, scaled my torso, and gave me a headbutt in the chin, then started licking my face.

The dog was strangely needy. He was addicted to attention. I know this because he would shake constantly, like he was going through withdrawl symptoms if there wasn’t someone constantly petting him. I thought I could escape the dog's clingyness when I went to sleep, but I was wrong.

I slept on the futon in my friend's guest room. Despite his repeated denials, I have a sneaking suspicion that the futon was in fact, the dog's bed. My old roommate has 3 daughters and 2 chihuahuas. All his daughters and one of his chihuahuas seemed normal, but the smallest of the five, a dog the size of a burrito was mysteriously taken with my company. Despite my best efforts, the dog manged to burrow his way under the covers and decided that he wanted to sleep in the space between my chin and my shoulder. I rolled over a couple of times in my sleep and gave it my back, and when the dog wanted to work his way back to the front of my neck, he did it in the most annoying way possible: by walking on my face. As if this wasn’t bad enough, about the third time I rolled over in my sleep, the dog had enough of my fidgeting and decided to keep my from rolling over by biting me on the nose. Asshole dog!

I shoved him off the bed and saw him climb into one of my shoes and take a seat. At first I thought it was cute that the dog was so small that it could sit IN my shoe like it was a papasan chair, but then a frightening thought occurred to me:

“Dog…I know you don’t value our friendship as much as I do, but if you're sh1tting in my shoe, you’re about to have a very bad day.”

Luckily, the dog had decided to show a little class. I think he realized that if he shit in my shoe, that I’m the kind of person who would shit in his dinner bowl as payback. (yes, I sometimes wonder about my parenting skills also). Anyway, I took a picture of him so that you folks would get an idea of what I was up against. I put my hand near the dog so you get a sense of how small he was.



SEE!