Odds and Ends

Having Monday off for Labor Day should allow me to loaf for 24 extra hours this weekend. DC is like a ghost town this weekend because all the sheep have left town in order to go to the beach and hang out with the same people that were trying to get away from. This is one of the times when it's fun to be a contrarian. Driving around this city, there are parking spots everywhere. You would think you died and went to parking heaven.

In order to catch you up on the events of the past couple of weeks:

House:
I made some progress on my house during the weekend that my brother was in town. I'll post some pics when I have some time. My house is starting to look surprisingly normal. I had a female visitor yesterday, and she didn't have that terrified "silence of the lambs" look when she used my bathroom. So that's a really good sign.


Blog Stuff and Blogging:
DCist and DC Blogs both linked to my piece about the my Mac vs. Coca Cola Classic episode last week. I think pretty soon the NY Times and the New Yorker will discover my irreverent observations about life and I can start wearing sunglasses to nightclubs and become a pretentious asshole like the people who drive in from Arlington to go to "edgy" clubs in DC.

I met undefeated Slap Boxing Champion and Award winning blogger Listen to Leon last week when he made the mistake of volunteering to be a guest bartender at the Common Share. When the mob of people at the bar started getting more impatient and was fashioning make-shift torches and pitchforks from the bar stools and something went wrong with the beers on tap, I think he realized why people who work in bars complain about it so much (well, besides the fact that they are usually whiney a-holes). Anywho, Leon was up for a Black Weblogs Award this year and I was gonna endorse him, mostly because his blog is funny, but also because I've never met the other people who are up for it. Unfortunately, my neighbors got wise to me "borrowing" their wiFi connection and I was too lazy to get to a coffee shop to endorse his candidacy until it was too late. If it makes him feel any better, I didn't vote in the past two presidential elections either.*

Politics:
1 - Corrupt flunkie Abu Gonzalez resigned this week so that he could "spend more time with his family" and find good places too hide while avoiding a subpoena and possible perjury charges. It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

2 - Bathroom sex pervert and US Senator Larry Craig announced he will resign this week. He still claims that he isn't gay because whenever he had "gay" sex, he was thinking of his wife...and about going to church. And we all know that people who go to church aren't gay.

I also find his allegation that the only reason he was playing footsie with an undercover officer in the next toilet was because he "takes a wide stance" when dropping a deuce to be unconvincing. It just so happens that I crap at least once a day (sometimes several times a day if I've had Tex Mex or Ethiopian food). And Friday I conducted a scientific toilet experiment. As I dropped the kids off at the pool, I took the widest stance possible with my jeans around my ankles; wider than the stance you would take if you were constipated and needed the widest possible base to brace yourself for the extreme physical exertion of taking the biggest dump of your life. And unless you're not even wearing pants, it's not possible to touch the sides of the stall unintentionally, no matter how wide your stance is. Busted, Senator!

3- Second rate news hack and political spokesperson Tony Snow also announced he was leaving the White House (ditto for Karl Rove). This smells like rats leaving the sinking ship. Although the metaphor is kind of insulting to rats.

Family:
The visit from my family was not as bad as I'd imagined it would be (but only because in my imagination the visit ended in me running for my car under a hail of gunfire). It turns out that despite the feral children, we only almost got banned from one restaurant in DC. I've discovered a new mathematical law while they were here. The annoyingness of children increases exponentially by the number of children. So A = Q times C(nth power). So if one child displays Q annoyingness, then three kids exhibit Q x Q x Q annoyingness. As you can see, when you get to around 40 or 50 children, the annoyingness nears infinity and will actually alter the fabric of the space time continuum. I think that's how black holes are created, but I'm not a science dork or anything, so I can't be sure.


*Neither election was decided by exactly one vote, so don't get preachy on me.