After having spent a few days with visiting relatives, I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually depleted. I will probably post more about the wackadoos in my family in a few days, but for now, I only want a nap. I feel like I just fought in some type of Ultimate Fighting Championship cage match, except that the pain doesn't stop when you tap out. It continues and escalates until it's time for their flight to leave.
When I visit family in Florida, I am probably less stressed out because I can imagine a happy place (like the ninja fortress) and retreat in my mind to my own fortress of solitude until Christmas Dinner is over and I'm on a plane home. When they are here, though, in my happy place, there is really no place to hide. I can't envision the ninja fortress and go into a deep meditation because even in my mind they are there trying to drive me crazy with banal, idiotic questions like "does your coffee maker work?" or "where can we take the kids today?".
I try to look at life as a series of learning experiences, and after coming close to being banned from a couple of DC eateries, I have learned that if you have you children, the first thing you should teach them when they are out of diapers is the difference between their inside voice and their outside voice. It should be the very first thing.
Before this past weekend I always assumed that I would want to have kids eventually, but now I will probably make declarative statements like "if I have kids, then..." instead of "when I have kids".
I've also come to the conclusion that Michael Jackson is a degenerate. After this weekend I can't understand why anyone would want to be around children unless they were legally required to do so. I used to hear stories about those women who say their husband went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back. And now I know why. It wasn't because of the wife, he was trying to escape the kids and their horrible, shrill screaming.