Does Big Gay Al have a Little Gay Dog?

The other day I heard the screech of tires and a crash outside the ninja fortress. It was a car crash, and I automatically assumed that the drivers were women. I didn't assume that both drivers were women because women are bad drivers (even though it's true), but rather because both cars were "chick cars". One was a mini-cooper and the other was a Volkswagen Cabriolet. But I was wrong. Yes...me, wrong. NOT A TYPO!


There was actually a dude driving the Volkswagen. The guy was limping when he got out of the car, so I'm assuming he sprained his vagina in the accident, because no man with actual male genitalia would be caught dead driving a cabriolet unless he was driving his girlfriend to the gynecologist. There is a reason that I bring this up though. It turns out that women are not really as bad at navigating as was previously thought. I know that some of you are reading this and thinking "HomeImprovementNinja has said some foolish things in his life, but surely he's kidding about this". But I'm not. I didn't bother to read to the whole article, but the gist of it was that scientists something something blah blah blah, and women might be able to navigate as well as a man, even though if they were doing it for a living, they would only make 81% as much as a man who does it. So if I was wrong about women's navigation skillz, then maybe I was wrong about whether men can drive a Cabriolet and still be real men. And maybe a friend of mine was wrong about a man being able to own a small dog and not appear gay. Hmmmm. Maybe a poll is in order?

I was thinking very seriously about adopting a dog. I had thought seriously about a small dog because the ninja fortress doesn't have a yard, so it would be easier with a small dog that didn't need a lot of exercise because if I get one of those big dogs that needs to jog, then I'll just tie it to the bumper of my car when I run my errands and will probably get in trouble with the dog nazis.

I found a dog I liked on a dog rescue site. I figured that if I spared the dog from certain death, that it would pledge it's undying dog loyalty to me and serve me until one day (maybe in the heat of a great battle against a much larger and well equipped army) it saved my life and repaid the debt of honor. Then it would look at me knowingly and bow imperceptibly, then walk off into the sunset with it's sqweeky octopus toy in it's mouth. I mean, I know it's a little unrealistic because before a small dog like a Jack Russell Terrier could hold it's own in a combat situation I would have to give it extensive martial arts training. And how good can a little dog get since I can't even teach it some Northern Eagle Claw kung fu because it has no fingers. Anyway, while I debated whether or not to get the dog, someone (who's probably completely straight) adopted it. So I've been thinking about another dog and asking people their opinions. Since the answer to everything can be found on the internets, I will open it up for discussion, and probably disregard the results if I don't agree with it. Soooooo...imaginary people, what say you about small dogs?

Small Dogs, Gay or Hetero? Are Small Dogs Gay? Yes, small dogs are gay, and you are gay for even wanting one. No, small dogs are not gay, you're friend is crazy Only certain small dogs are gay, but other small dogs aren't Only cats are gay, dogs of any size are hetero Gay looking depends on the guy walking the dog, not the dog You know what's gay? Internet polls, that's what's gay. That and gay porn. I don't understand how electronic polls work. How do I vote for Al Gore? view results