Friday, March 23, 2007

The Plan

I’m going to try to make some progress on the Ninja fortress over the weekend. I know I've said that before but this time I mean it. I bought some kitchen cabinets from IKEA. And I’m working like a Hebrew slave to put them together. Who knew I could fit a whole kitchen into the Ninja Lite-Armoured Assault Vehicle? They are starting to look niiiice, but who knew that anyone besides the Chinese actually manufacture stuff. Slovakia? These cabinets were made by Slovakians? Are those the communists of the Al Qaaeda? No matter, the cabinets will look good. I have to make a trip back to IKEA tonight because they sold me a few of the cabinets in wrong sizes (and there is a big difference between two 30" cabinets and two 12" cabinets...I don't think I have enough caulk to hide the discrepancy).

In other news, my new laptop kicks ass, so I should be able to upload pics again using my camera, instead of taking ghetto pics with my cell phone. If anyone thinks that Apple isn't the greatest invention since free internet p0rn, you have no idea what the hell you are talking about.

Anyway, this is the beginning of the end of the MacGuyver Kitchen.

In other news, I did not win the Best DC Blog by the Sexiest Hetero Male Blogger. It went to someone else. I think ballot stuffing may have been involved, but I'm not going to waste time worrying about it. My mother already confirmed that I'm the handsomest boy on earth. So even though the modelling agencies think she is seriously in need of some new glasses, I'll take her word for it because she has no reason to lie.

In still other news. Go HERE and vote for the Best DC Blog by a Real Writer. But if you do, you should vote for my friend Velvet, who helped me pick out (and load!) the cabinets, and also gave me some invaluable material for my next post. I don't think I'm winning the contest, so I don't want to Nader anyone's chances of winning the election.

And lastly, sometimes I read something in the paper and just say WOW. Sometimes I have idiotic ideas (like buying the ninja fortress) but usually I run the ideas past someone before I do it. But there is some guy in Minnesota who really, really, needs to run his idea by other people first. See, he was arrested today for cutting off the head of a dog and mailing it to the owner in a gift box with valentine candy. When the cops asked him why he did it, he said he wanted her to go out with him. The original story is HERE. Now I don't know what this guy was thinking, but if you want to get a girl to out with you, maybe killing her dog and mailing the head to her in a box isn't the best way to go.

Crazy: I really like Crystal, but she won't go out with me? I told her I had tickets to a Modest Mouse concert and she turned me down.

Friend: Modest Mouse? First of all, they suck. I wouldn't go to a Modest Mouse concert with you either, even if I was gay and you weren't crazy. See if she likes the Shins or maybe an Eminem concert?

Crazy: I dunno' those tickets are hard to get. What if mailed her some romantic chocolates in a nice box, with a card?

Friend: Yeah, that's a good idea. The card is nice touch.

Crazy: What if I throw a severed dog's head in there. You know, her dog. You think that's a bit much?

Friend: I dunno. Sometimes less is more...you don't want to come off as too eager. Chicks don't like that.

Crazy: Start with a cat's head maybe?

Friend: Or...just stick with the Chocolates and maybe a Red House Painters CD maybe some Deep Banana Blackout?

2 comments:

Twoste said...

Wait. There's free porn available on the internet?! WHAT?!?!

Anonymous said...

Even if you didn't win, your blog had to have been second runner-up for that competition. Smarter and more entertaining than some of the others male bloggers' I've read recently.