Monday, January 30, 2006

The Real Fat Ninja

As I was getting dressed this morning, I resolved to go to the gym at least 3x this week. What prompted this rush of workout fervor? No, it's not a New Year's resolution. That's only for communists and Oprah fans. I put on some pants that I haven't worn in a couple of months and they were tight on me. I assumed they shrunk from the uhhh humidity at my place, but my vain metrosexual gene kicked in and I decided that humidity or not, I could stand to lose a few pounds.

Well, I didn't work quickly enough...I sat down at the office with my coffee and chocolate muffin and while I was stuffing my fat face, the unimaginable happened. Yep.




I split my freakin' pants. This is some sorta' karmic lesson about calling my brother "fat ninja".

Now I gotta' sneak out and walk 10 blocks to the nearest store that actually sells mens clothes and buy some trousers before I get fired for indecent exposure.

(actually, there is a Burberry store about 8 blocks away, but I don't feel like spending $400 on a pair of pants.)

Yesterday was my birthday, so I guess this is the universe's gift to me. I always knew the universe was a practical joker.

6 comments:

mysterygirl! said...

Oh no! Um, happy birthday? Maybe at least you got some cool new pants out of the deal...

Mmm... chocolate muffin...

Siryn said...

Happy birthday, Ninja!!

Sorry that you had to buy new pants, but think of it this way - you got nice new pants!

Velvet said...

This is very sad. If I split any of my Seven jeans, I would simultaneously split skin on my wrists. And now I know where you work. Well, within 8 blocks of it anyway.

Spin_Doc1 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sandra Dee said...

I'm rolling here. Hilarious.

I once split my pants in the parking lot of Lowe's. No joke. I also split another pair of jeans at a fraternity's date party. Thaaat was fun.

Glad you got some new pants!! :) And I hear ya on the needing to lose weight thing....

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Thanks for all the positive comments. I am glad that you can find some happiness from my suffering.

And who deleted their comment on my blog? I'm not even sure how to delete comments, and it's my blog. How did you edit your comments on someone else's virtual property?