Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Comparing and Contrasting

South Florida is like DC in many ways. And I don't mean that literally. Sure, the weather here is warm year round and if you were searching for an adjective to describe it, you would come up with something like "awesome" or "kick ass" or "warm". But there are some key differences.

People my age or younger: Most of Florida, especially Miami, is really, really good looking. Someone once described DC to me as "Hollywood for Ugly People", and the description fits. Just like Hollywood, DC is full of name-dropping people who think they are more important than their $24k a year job would suggest. The only difference is that in DC people think they are important because they get coffee for Senator Shinebox instead of Steven Spielberg. I don't think anyone here has an excuse for not having a hot girlfriend (unless you are a toothless redneck, in which case you can date your sister). Walking around the mall here feels like you are in an Ambercrombie catalog. A really slutty Ambercrombie catalog.

The malls in DC, by contrast, could easily pass for the waiting room at a battered women's shelter. Also, people in Florida work out...a lot. Although I don't have a six pack, you can see my abs if my shirt is off and you are looking for them. You don't have to use your imagination (much). But here, people are really in shape. They are not all soft and doughy like in Washington. At the South Beach clubs I would be the guy that the personal trainers handed their cards to and said things like "no, really, I want to help you....you NEED help."

People older than me:

DC is full of mostly younger (ugly) people. They usually work for a few years here and then go back to wherever they are from and tell people how important they were. If someone lives in DC and they are in their 50s or older, they are probably someone important. Here, most of the old people are really, really old. They look like they would feel at home having dinner with the Crypt Keeper or John McCain.

Drivers: Most of the people in Florida are terrible drivers. I think it's because there are so many old people who have lived full and rewarding lives and are not afraid of ending it all (either that or they don't want to miss the early bird special at the restaurant and are willing to kill you with their giant car to make sure that doesn't happen). DC has some truly horrible drivers...we call them Taxis. But there aren't a lot of taxis down here, so I guess it evens out.

Gotta go do some Xmass shopping. Happy Holidays, All!!!


Jamie said...

The only problem is, people who live in sunny climates are good looking until they turn 28 or so, at which point they start to look a lot like the picture you posted from too much sun exposure.

You probably think everyone's good looking in Florida because you actually didn't notice anyone between the ages of 29 and 50, assuming they were someone's grandmother.

Barbara said...

I love this line: If someone lives in DC and they are in their 50s or older, they are probably someone important. Does living in Northern Virginia count? Does that mean I'm important? :)

I grew up in Florida, but in the panhandle. South Florida is almost like a different state!