So...the story. I was out with my lady friend salsa dancing and we came back around 3am. I changed out of my free beer shirt* and we went to walk the dog around the block. Have I mentioned that I live in what people in Bethesda would consider "the hood"? I know they say my neighborhood is "up and coming" but I really wish it would hurry up and get there already; wherever that is.
So around the corner from the ninja fortress, I hear a pop and feel what feels like a bee sting and notice I am bleeding. I didn't see where the shot was coming from, but I was pissed off. I heard more pops so I knew they were still shooting and I didn't want the girl or the dog to get injured so I walked them home. My first thought was to get my samurai sword (yes, I have one...don't ask), and look for who did this and teach them a lesson, but I figured I should call the DC cops (who suck) because I'm sure if I go there and cut someone's head off, then everyone will think *I'M* the asshole. So we call the cops and the patrol car gets there pretty quickly and the cops proceed to ask me idiotic questions:
Cop: Why were you walking your dog at 3:30 in the morning?
Ninja: Because she had to go to the bathroom.
Cop: aren't you afraid of walking around at this time of night?
Ninja: Not really...I know a little jiu jitsu.
Cop: How do you know you were shot by a bb gun? How do you know
they didn't just throw a rock at you?
Ninja: Because i'm bleeding...from this hole in my arm that's the size of a bb...it's right behind the hole in my shirt that's the size of a bb...I don't remember the last time someone threw a rock at me, but I'm sure it doesn't look like this.
Long story short, we had to wait 2 hours for a detective to arrive. we went around the corner and I showed her where the incident happened. She also asked how I knew it was a bb gun and I described the popping sound.
Detective: Like that popping sound?
sounds like it's coming from that streetlamp. Maybe it wasn't a bb gun?
Ninja: or...maybe they are still shooting at us...right now.
Yes, these morons were shooting...at two police cars. Then the cops spied a bunch of drunk kids on a nearby porch and went over and found the BB gun and cuffed the one who was trying to hide it. Since they didn't see who shot at us, what do you think they did?
a) arrested everybody and let them spend the night in jail until they turn on the shooter
b) beat the kid to within an inch of his life
c) let everyone go and confiscated their bb gun.
The correct answer is c). Yes, because that will solve the problem since I'm sure you can't buy another gun on eBay for $20. I may have the last laugh though. I got a good look at a couple of those guys and if I see one of them walking by himself I'm gonna tackle him to the ground and break his arms.
The next morning I find out that my date's car was broken into. They messed with one of the locks and broke a window trying to get in before the alarm scared them off.
I'm not sure if the BB fell out and I wasn't about to sit in an emergency room for 6 hours, so I just went home. And people wonder why I think DC cops suck. A couple of days ago I was walking towards the metro to get a bite to eat and I notice that a street was closed off. Apparently someone was shot a couple of blocks from my house. I wonder if they arrested that guy or just took away his gun?
Me with the free beer shirt and a hottie.
Me with the bullet hole.
*there is a story behind the free beer shirt, but the short version of it is that a gay guy bought me a beer once because he liked my shirt...well, that and because he was cruising for deviant sex.