Last weekend, I went to the Adams Morgan Day festival with my dog who hates all other dogs (and isn't afraid of voicing her hatred) and the girl I'm dating. For those of you who don't live in DC, Adams Morgan is to DC as Greenwhich Village is NYC. Well, it's like Greenwhich Village, except smaller and lamer, but with less hipsters and more low lifes.
It was hot and tiring, but it was the only thing semi-exciting to do on a Sunday afternoon except for catching up on Netflix. Sort of like choosing between making love to your wife of 30 years or searching for random stuff on YouTube.
The day was uneventful, and the food was bland. It ended with a near confrontation between me and the moron selling fruit smoothies because she didn't want to give me a cup of ice water for the dog. It's 90 degrees out, I just bought two smoothies from you, and my dog is dying but you don't want to give me a cup of water? I hope there's a special place in hell for people like you--you bitter, petty, miserable woman.
As we were leaving the festival, I noticed a "psychic" offerring readings for $5. Normally, I don't trust gypsies, since I've been to europe and had my pocket almost picked twice by them, but I figured it would be good fun. One reason I don't trust "psychics" is that whenever I see one, like the one in Adams Morgan, I never see anyone going in, and the sign is offerring readings for $5. Since rent in downtown DC is expensive, and they don't have any customers, it's questionable how they can stay in business charging only $5. I figured there must be a way that they screw you, like telling you someone put a curse on you and them offerring to take it off for an extra fee. Or maybe they just pick your pocket...they are gypsies, after all.
So there were three gypsies there. The youngest, who was attractive, her mother, who was not, and the grandmother, who looked like the crypt keeper. She even had the ubiquitous gypsy mole on her face with the hair growing out of it (not making any of this up or exaggerating in any way). This is reason number 50 why you should never marry a gypsy--bad aging genes.
So scam started before we even sat down. Five dollars only entitles you to two yes/no questions; if you want a palm reading, it's $15 for one palm and $25 for two, and if you want a tarot card reading it's $40. So from $5 - $40 in less than 15 seconds...that's quicker than a porsche.
So she proceeded to do a "cold reading" on my hottie. "You will live to be 85 and have a wonderful life!...Watch for a happy surprise next week!" Blah, blah blah. I could hardly contain my laughter for two reasons.
1) I doubt anyone's palm is so detailed that you can pick out something as precise as what's going to happen next week;
2) I know how to read palms and tarot cards, so I knew she was full of sh1t.
I learned from my black-sheep uncle who ran away from home when he was 15 and lived with gypsies for while while, who taught him how to do it (and how to cheat at cards and pick pockets). He taught me to read palms and tarot cards, how to tell if cards were marked in a poker game and how to avoid pick pockets...and to not trust "psychics".
I usually don't tell people I know how to read palms and do tarot, because inevitably, they will shove their palm in my face and ask me to read it. If I met an auto mechanic at a party, I wouldn't pop the hood of my car and expect him to look at it and tell me if it's working right.
After we got home, we talked about the high-pressure upselling gypsies. I had read her palm before (because I like her) and she confirmed that I'm a better psychic than the old woman, I even dusted off my old tarot cards and did a quick reading, which I'm sure was also better than theirs...and free too.
I'm curious about whether anyone else has ever been to a "psychic" and what was your experience like.
