Girl: I'll be back Friday...I bring you back some turkey.
HIN: Is that slang for for vagina?
Girl: Hahaha...you're such a kidder.
HIN: Uhhh, yeah...I was kidding...I'd much rather have turkey than vagina.
Girl: Hahaha...okay, I'll bring you back some of both.
HIN: Sweeeeet!
As I was talking, I got a call from one of my oldest friends in NYC, The Benonshurt Kid. I decided to switch over because the way things have been going lately I was worried it might be bad news.
I can kid around with him like that because we've been friends for such a long time...well that and because no one has invented a device to let you punch someone in the face over the phone yet. Anyway, TBK's previous wife (who was pregnant) died on 9/11 , so I'm glad that he's got something to look forward to this holiday season.
TBK: Guess what? My wife is pregnant again!
HIN: That's awesome...are you the father this time?
TBK: Asshole!
Moving on...
I decided against driving up to NYC for Thanksgiving, since I'm feeling lazy and unmotivated. Plus there's some family drama that I don't feel like being a part of. It's not a major holiday amongst my peoples (like Christmas, Easter or Shuriken Day) so its no biggie.
Moving on again...
I found out that some members of the ninja clan will be coming up for Christmas. Although this saves me from having to fly down to Florida, the last time they were here, the feral children almost got me banned from one of the few restaurants in my neighborhood that doesn't serve you food from behind bulletproof glass. So this time we'll be dining in Arlington. Feel my wrath, yuppies!!!
Anyway, maybe the need to avoid my family quietly judging me will motivate to finish up some lingering projects at the fortress....or maybe not.
*normally I'd rather get kicked in the nuts than go to Baltimore, but TWO WEEKS people!!!
10 comments:
I am avoiding family drama too. I'm flying to Texas to clean a friend's house. Yep, would rather do manual labor than deal with my sister's bullshit.
Have a good one.
Thanksgiving is tough. I can take my family one at a time, but dealing with them all at once is way stressfull.
I think you're a pansy... just sayin'.
Have I mentioned that I can be mean? No? Well, now you know.
iloveupstate.com: I feel your pain.
Anonymous: DIvide and conquer?
Lil Kate: pansy? Is that slang for "Stud"?
that's the thing with FWB. (the universal) you can hardly ever find someone who wants it as much as you do, which seems like a breach of contract. and that just sucks. or doesn't, as it were.
i definately think there is a formula that defines the correlation between ..number of family members present, length of stay and amount of hard liquor needed to avoid critical mass...i think einstein came up with that...oh wait...no he invented a wayyy less important formula..
xoxo
Ugh, family holidays. I am so glad that frm reading your post im not the only one that hates the holidays with the fam. Its not that i dont want to be with them but....i just dont wanna!
Pfffftttt. 2 weeks is nothing. After 14 years of marriage and two kids I can do 2 weeks standing on my head.
If you'd just get a dog, you'd probably find a FWB who'd be willing to keep you...uh...benefited more often. *LOL*
Why would a ninja worry what anyone, even their own clan, think about their home improvement projects? Ninjas kick ass dude. If you're happy with it, that should be good enough.
Anyway, I enjoy being with my family because they put the "fun" in dysfunctional. *LOL* I mean, my uncle who just died had a stripper pole in his house. You can't make that stuff up. *LOL*
carrie m: No one wants it as much as me.
suicide_blond: Maybe Einstein didn't have a family?
SAILOR MOON: I feel you.
Muskego Jeff: Is that what I have to look forward to when getting married?
MadMumbler Mommy: Thanks.
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