Progress Report and Abandoned Blogsperiments

I'm going to be posting less over the summer because

1. it's nice out and blogging requires me to stay inside;
2. I'm making some house progress, but I need pics to show you and posting pics is hard, even with a MacBook, if you're as technologically ignorant as me;
3. I have a job interview in NYC that I'm prepping for and if that job comes through, I may take it and quit blogging completely, so it might be good to cut down on it little by little;
   
4. I'm busy with stuff that I don't blog about.
   

But...I will try to post once a week for the time being. To fill you in on future happenings on this site:

1. Part 2 of the Ninja Mitzvah is almost finished. It's some of my finest work, which isn't saying much. You'll laugh, you'll cry...it will be like when Father Murphy had that tickle fight with you and the altar boys and decided to make it "shirts vs. skins" and things got weird all of a sudden.
   
2. I'll post some pics of the Kitchen Cabinets so far and the structural issue I need to address before I go further. Farther? Ummm, before I proceed.
   
3. I pick up the Tux on Wednesday, so I'll try to take pics and show you people. It's getting alterations now, so I don't know if it will require more than one fitting.
4. I signed up for that Donald Trump "way to wealth" seminar, after watching the annoying infomercials. I don't plan on buying more real estate (or his program), but I figured it would be cool to meet The Donald, and then make inappropriate cliche'd jokes about his hair, and his fondness for eastern european models that are half his age on my blog. The seminar is next week.
   

In the meantime: when I was bored with this blog I thought of doing a few features (blog experiments) and see how they go. Ultimately, I abandoned them all because I'm too lazy, errr, busy to do them, but here are the abandoned blogsperiments and plausible excuses as to why I didn't go through with them. If someone else wants to do them I don't mind, as long as you give me credit. And by credit, I mean cash.



Blogebrity Impersonator: In this experiment, I was going to guest post on certain “in character” blogs as the person who’s writing the blog. For instance, I guest post on your blog, pretending to be you.

Why I decided against it: There were a few character driven blogs or blogs that had a Schtick that I wanted to guest post on (like El Guapo or Jordan Baker’s Friday Q&A), but the one celebrity impersonation that I think I would’ve been best at, The Anonymous Lawyer, turned it down. So without that blog, I decided against it. If I went ahead with it, it would like going to Florence and not being overcharged to see Michaelangelo’s David. It would be like going to a strip club and not being told “if you touch my breasticles again I’m gonna break your fingers.” You sorta need the defining experience to pull it off. Anyway, if you 'd like for me to do it, send Anonymous Lawyer some nasty emails until he agrees, then buy his book on Amazon, to make it up to him.



Celebrity Interviews: I thought some celebrity interviews would be a good way to eventually get Judy Greer or Rachel McHottie to call me. Since I don’t know any famous people, I figured I would call up other bloggers I know and have them answer my questions by pretending to be the celebrity and using only information contained in Wikipedia.

Why I decided against it: I dunno. It seems like a lot of work. Who would I get to do the interviews? What if I didn’t like the answers? What if the blogger wanted to be some other celebrity. For instance, who would want to be Rosie O’Donnel, even if it was only make believe. Plus, if I did it on the phone I’d have to write it down, if I did it by email, I couldn’t ask follow up questions. IM, maybe?



Figuring out Women: Since several women have told me that if you want to understand women you should watch Sex and The City, and since it’s on in reruns every day, I figured I would watch it everyday for a month and discuss my thoughts on the show like once a week or something.

Why I decided against it: I watched the show for a week and a half, then I started getting stomach pains. When I went to the emergency room, the doctor told me that I was growing an ovary and that I should never watch SATC again. He said I was extremely lucky that they caught it before it was irreversible. If I had watched Grey’s Anatomy instead, I would have grown a uterus, which is incurable. So luckily I watched the show that has the chick with the horse face instead.


This Blog Writes Itself: In an homage to the retired Diet Coke of Evil, I was gonna have people make suggestions about what I should write about, and then I would write about it. For instance, some one could say “tell us about the first time you ever tried alcohol” I would write about the time I was in High School at a house party and a cute girl wanted to do a shot of vodka with me (I had never even tried beer before that). And how I tried to down it like I’d seen in the movies, but the vodka burned my mouth and I spit it out all over her Madonna-inspired hoochie wear. You know, stuff like that.

Why I decided against it: Felt too much like a Meme, which I don’t really do.



More Posts About Celebrities that I want to Nail: Although there are entire fan websites that do nothing but post pics and discussion about Judy Greer and Rachel McAdams, oops, McHottie, there are at least 8 other hotties on my Top 10 List of Celebrities that I would leave my future wife for. (Technically, I have 15 girls in my top 10 list, but I’m a lawyer so I can get away with stuff like that). So I thought about posting stuff about the other celebrities that I’m not-so-secretly in love with and why I want to nail them above everyone except 14 other women in the universe.

Why I decided against it: Eh? Do you really care about why I’d rather nail Eva Green than Angelina Jolie?